Band 6.0 IELTS Writing Task 2 Model Answer

Overall Band Score: 6.0 · Cambridge IELTS 15 · 2026-10-11

IELTS Writing Task 2 question

In many countries, paying for things using mobile phone (cellphone) apps is becoming increasingly common. Does this development have more advantages or more disadvantages?

Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Student answer (Band 6.0)

Due the technological advancements, an increasing number of customers, from different parts of the world, are choosing to pay using their smartphones. This essay believe that merits are more beneficial than its demerits, although both will be discussed in the forthcoming paragraphs.

On the one hand, the main merit of paying using phone is that it is more convenient than paying by cash. This is largely because individuals do not have to carry cash with them, particularly when they go outside to purchase something. This may also reduce the risk of lossing cash since they may not require to take it everywhere. For example, mostly shoppers have to hold huge bags with them to carry cash while shopping, which sometimes create hassle due to their weights or sizes. However, paying using mobiles, significantly alleviating the usage of cash and the headache to carry them due to its portability. As a result, shoppers can concentrate on selecting products instaed of taking care of ther purse or cash.

On the other hand, the prime demerit is the risk of putting privacy into danger. This is because almost all the checkout machines store the personal data of the card and phone holder. These data can be used by highly advanced hackers to steal money from the bank account eventually. To illustrate, theives can access the bank accounts by using the personal information of customers.

In conclusion, admittedly, there is security risk is attributed by paying using cellphone. However, I believe that advantages are more than its disadvantages because the convenience of not carrying bags for taking cash and hassle-free shopping are more worth considering..

AI examiner evaluation

Task Achievement / Task Response: Band 6.0

Your position is clear: you believe the advantages of mobile payments outweigh the disadvantages, and you discuss both convenience and privacy risks. These points are relevant to the question, and the shopping example helps illustrate the convenience argument. However, some ideas are less fully developed than others. The claim that shoppers carry “huge bags” of cash is not very convincing or typical, and the security paragraph mainly repeats that hackers may steal money without explaining how this risk compares with the everyday benefit. Develop each point with a more realistic example and explain its significance. A clearer, more balanced comparison of the two sides would make your answer more complete.

Coherence and Cohesion: Band 7.0

The response has a clear overall structure: an introduction, separate paragraphs for advantages and disadvantages, and a conclusion. The progression is easy to follow, and signposts such as “On the one hand,” “On the other hand,” and “In conclusion” make the organisation explicit. Within the first body paragraph, you also connect the convenience claim to its consequences for shoppers. At times, however, the linking feels formulaic, and some references are unclear—for example, “These data” and “them” do not have precise or natural antecedents. The conclusion also repeats the convenience point rather than drawing together the comparison. Use a wider range of natural links and make references explicit to strengthen cohesion.

Lexical Resource: Band 5.5

You use some topic-relevant vocabulary, including “technological advancements,” “privacy,” “personal data,” and “portability,” and the reader can generally understand your meaning. There are also attempts at less common phrasing, such as “prime demerit” and “alleviating the usage of cash,” but these combinations are not natural in context. Several word-choice and spelling errors are noticeable, including “lossing,” “instaed,” “ther,” and “theives”; “checkout machines” is also imprecise for the systems that process payments. This range is adequate to discuss the topic, but accuracy and natural collocation are inconsistent. Prefer familiar, precise expressions such as “risk of losing cash,” “reduce reliance on cash,” and “payment terminals,” and proofread spelling carefully.

Grammatical Range and Accuracy: Band 5.5

You attempt both simple and complex sentence forms, including explanations with “because” and a conditional clause beginning “since.” Most of the argument remains understandable, but some grammatical errors recur. For example, “This essay believe” needs subject–verb agreement, while “Due the technological advancements” is missing a preposition. In “This may also reduce the risk of lossing cash since they may not require to take it everywhere,” the pronoun reference and verb pattern are faulty. The sentence “However, paying using mobiles, significantly alleviating…” is incomplete, and “there is security risk is attributed” in the conclusion has an incorrect clause structure. Work on complete sentence construction, articles, agreement, and verb patterns; these corrections would make your varied structures more controlled.

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