Band 6.5 IELTS Writing Task 2 Model Answer

Overall Band Score: 6.5 · Cambridge IELTS 17 · 2026-07-25

IELTS Writing Task 2 question

In some countries, more and more people are hiring a personal fitness trainer, rather than playing sports or doing exercise classes. What are the reasons for this? Is this a positive or a negative development?

Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Student answer (Band 6.5)

It is commonly seen that mortals are trapped in various diseases because of their care related to their health and fitness. Nowadays, a trend of hiring personal fitness trainer is gaining more popularity than focusing on exercise and sports. There are some causes that will be explained by me in paragraphs.

Firstly, there are two reasons that people are more lured to fitness coaches rater than playing games. An increasing workload is a reason that people have not enough time to take care of their body and in their hectic schedule and more use of technology, people are slowly forgetting basic ways to fit their body. By looking to them, folk started paying large sum of money to fitness trainer, just to perform basic exercises and getting body warmed up.

Secondly, the consumption of edible goods is changed in last 5 to 6 years. It is commonly seen that in these days, junk and frozen food is more popular than homemade food. To explain, according to one survey, the average consumption of oil is increased by 6 percent in last two years and it is double in U.S.A. There is one part more which is affecting public, especially youngsters. The use of technology is more popular in teens. They love to play video games on their mobile phone and computer for hours and like to eat pizza in that time too. There is one scientific research which has proved that the main cause that kids are becoming fat is tons of screen times.

To conclude, according to my personal experience and believes, I think that it is a negative development. Health is our real wealth and if we are paying to fitness coaches to protect it and still putting into danger by ourselves, we are not going on right path. It is a false development.

AI examiner evaluation

Task Achievement / Task Response — Band 6.5

The response addresses both parts of the prompt: the reasons for hiring personal trainers and the evaluation of whether this is a positive or negative development. However, the development of ideas is somewhat limited. While you mention workload and dietary changes, the link between these and the specific choice of a personal trainer over sports is not fully explored. The conclusion clearly states your position, but the supporting arguments could benefit from more depth and specific examples rather than general statements about screen time or oil consumption. To improve, ensure each paragraph directly links the cause to the specific trend of hiring trainers.

Coherence and Cohesion — Band 6.5

The essay is organized into logical paragraphs, each with a clear focus. You use basic cohesive devices such as 'Firstly', 'Secondly', and 'To conclude' to guide the reader. However, the flow between sentences is sometimes mechanical, and the use of referencing is occasionally unclear, such as in the phrase 'By looking to them' in the second paragraph. The progression of ideas is generally logical, but the internal cohesion within paragraphs could be improved by using a wider variety of linking words and ensuring that pronouns clearly refer back to their intended antecedents.

Lexical Resource — Band 6.0

The vocabulary used is generally adequate for the task, but it lacks the precision and range required for a higher band. There are some awkward collocations and word choices, such as 'mortals are trapped in various diseases' and 'false development'. While you attempt to use topic-specific vocabulary like 'hectic schedule' and 'scientific research', the overall range is somewhat limited. To reach a higher band, focus on using more sophisticated vocabulary and idiomatic expressions that are appropriate for a formal essay, and pay closer attention to word choice to ensure your meaning is conveyed accurately.

Grammatical Range and Accuracy — Band 6.0

The essay contains a mix of simple and complex sentence structures. However, there are frequent grammatical errors, including issues with articles ('the U.S.A.', 'the last 5 to 6 years'), subject-verb agreement, and preposition usage. For example, 'the consumption of oil is increased' should be 'has increased', and 'believes' should be 'beliefs'. While these errors do not completely impede communication, they are frequent enough to affect the overall fluency of the text. To improve, focus on mastering basic sentence construction and proofreading for common errors in tense and article usage.

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