Band 6.0 IELTS Writing Task 2 Model Answer

Overall Band Score: 6.0 · Cambridge IELTS 17 · 2026-07-27

IELTS Writing Task 2 question

In some countries, more and more people are hiring a personal fitness trainer, rather than playing sports or doing exercise classes. What are the reasons for this? Is this a positive or a negative development?

Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Student answer (Band 6.0)

In this modern era , more and more people are becoming physically unfit due to stressful life besides some times they have desk job to do due to that they do not have to move a lot and work on the chair due to that they are not able to digest their food that they have been eating whole day that is the reason they have to join the gym and has to hire the personal trainer rather than playing sports or physical exercise this could be the negative development this essay will explain it in details.

To begin with, competitive job market tends to people engage in their work rather than focusing on themselves , on the top of that the desk job could be the one of the main reason for people due to that kind of work their body becomes weak all they have to do is sit on the chair in a room in front of computer so that way they would not even getting the sunrise at the end of the day when sun will set it is their time to logout but after that they have too much house chores to do , However they are also trying to focusing on themselves and hire personal trainer in the gym which costs them almost a fortune on the top of that also managing the house and personal expenses to live their life might be stressful for them to contribute everything together .

In my second paragraph , i would like to mention that rather than hiring personal trainer for themselves they have to concentrate on theirs elves for having a good routine in life and that could be only possible to start with the good diet on the top of that morning walk could be helpful as well let me be very clear with an example if works starts at 12 pm then person should have to wakeup at 7 am early morning and then they go for walk comeback home with fresh energy and instead of having rice or bread in breakfast they can eat oats, Muesli and corn flakes could be helpful as well and consume light and healthy food in their routine might be helpful towards having a healthy and good life.

In my conclusion , I would like to mention that taking care of our health is not anyone's duty it is the responsibility of our own self .

AI examiner evaluation

Task Achievement / Task Response — Band 6.0

The response addresses both parts of the prompt: the reasons for hiring personal trainers and the opinion on whether this is a positive or negative development. However, the development of ideas is somewhat limited. The reasons provided (sedentary jobs and stress) are relevant, but the discussion on whether this trend is negative is underdeveloped. The essay focuses heavily on personal health routines rather than directly addressing the implications of the shift from sports/classes to personal trainers. To improve, ensure that the arguments regarding the 'negative development' are more clearly linked to the specific act of hiring a trainer versus participating in communal sports.

Coherence and Cohesion — Band 6.0

The essay is organised into paragraphs, but the flow between ideas is often hindered by run-on sentences and a lack of effective cohesive devices. Many sentences are connected by 'due to that' or 'on the top of that', which creates a repetitive and mechanical feel. The progression of ideas is sometimes difficult to follow because the sentences are overly long and lack clear punctuation. Using a wider variety of linking words (e.g., 'consequently', 'furthermore', 'in contrast') and breaking down long, complex thoughts into shorter, clearer sentences would significantly improve the logical flow of the response.

Lexical Resource — Band 6.0

The vocabulary is generally adequate for the task but lacks the precision and variety required for a higher band. There is a reliance on basic phrasing, such as 'do not have to move a lot' or 'good routine in life'. Some collocations are slightly unnatural, such as 'costs them almost a fortune' or 'contribute everything together'. While the meaning is clear, the range of vocabulary is limited, and there is little evidence of less common or idiomatic language. Expanding your range to include more academic or topic-specific terminology would enhance the quality of your writing.

Grammatical Range and Accuracy — Band 5.5

The response contains frequent grammatical errors, particularly regarding sentence structure, punctuation, and subject-verb agreement. Many sentences are 'run-on' sentences, where multiple independent clauses are joined without proper punctuation or conjunctions (e.g., '...desk job to do due to that they do not have to move a lot and work on the chair due to that...'). There are also issues with articles and pluralisation. While the meaning is generally understandable, the high frequency of errors in basic sentence construction limits the score. Focusing on mastering simple sentence structures before attempting complex ones will help reduce these errors.

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