Band 6.5 IELTS Writing Task 2 Model Answer

Overall Band Score: 6.5 · Cambridge IELTS 17 · 2026-07-28

IELTS Writing Task 2 question

In some countries, more and more people are hiring a personal fitness trainer, rather than playing sports or doing exercise classes. What are the reasons for this? Is this a positive or a negative development?

Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Student answer (Band 6.5)

It can be seen that in some nations excersing is being popular with a individual fitness coach, instead of playing sports games or other fitness activites. Although this trend is becoming increasingly popular because of people need asthetic body, this essay believes that it is a negative in regards of overall fitness.

The main reason of not doing excercises on their own and playing sports is because people are influenced from shreded body of film stars. Therefore, the demands of personal fitness trainer has been becoming widespead. People believe if they hire for personal fitness instructors, they would able achieve their dream body such as big muscles and six pack abs in a short period of time. For example, movies stars spend majoity of their time in the gym with their trainers to get best physique, as a result people are following same footsteps achieve similar results.

The negative effect of this phenomenon would be undevelopment of a complete body strength. This is to say, playing sports with peers not only beneficial for the physical health but also for the brain health, which reduces the amount of stress level and enhance the overall stamina. Hence. these positives outcome could not be gained in the gym with personal coaches. For example, a recent study reveals that many individuals are getting diseases such as depression and anxiety because they focus solely on making physical body, in spite of playing games with friends. Thus, this leads them to several mental issues.

To conclude, while hiring a personal trainer is increasing amongst individuals, owing to they would like to build the identical physique of their role models, it has downsides because it is not constructive for congnitive abilities.

AI examiner evaluation

Task Achievement / Task Response — Band 6.5

The response addresses both parts of the prompt: the reasons for hiring personal trainers and the evaluation of whether this is a positive or negative development. The position is clear from the introduction. However, the development of ideas is somewhat limited. While you mention the influence of film stars and the desire for an 'aesthetic body' as reasons, the explanation could be more nuanced. Similarly, the argument regarding the negative impact on mental health is relevant but lacks depth. To reach a higher band, ensure that your supporting examples are more specific and that you fully explore the implications of your arguments rather than just stating them.

Coherence and Cohesion — Band 6.5

The essay is logically organized into paragraphs, each with a clear central topic. You use some cohesive devices such as 'Although', 'Therefore', and 'To conclude' to link ideas. However, there are instances where the flow is slightly mechanical or awkward, such as 'Hence. these positives outcome could not be gained'. The use of referencing is generally clear, but some transitions between sentences feel abrupt. Improving the variety of linking words and ensuring punctuation is used correctly around these devices would enhance the overall coherence of your writing.

Lexical Resource — Band 6.5

You demonstrate an adequate range of vocabulary for the task, using terms like 'aesthetic', 'physique', and 'cognitive abilities'. However, there are several spelling errors ('excersing', 'shreded', 'majoity', 'congnitive') and some awkward collocations, such as 'undevelopment of a complete body strength'. While these errors do not prevent the reader from understanding your message, they do limit the precision of your expression. To improve, focus on learning the correct spelling of common academic words and practicing collocations in context to sound more natural.

Grammatical Range and Accuracy — Band 6.0

The essay uses a mix of simple and complex sentence structures. There are frequent grammatical errors, particularly with articles ('the demands of personal fitness trainer'), subject-verb agreement ('the demands... has been becoming'), and prepositional usage ('influenced from'). Some sentences are also structurally incomplete or awkward, such as 'owing to they would like to build'. While these errors are noticeable, they rarely impede communication. To progress, focus on proofreading for basic grammatical accuracy, specifically checking for missing articles and ensuring that complex sentence structures are grammatically sound.

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