Band 6.5 IELTS Writing Task 2 Model Answer

Overall Band Score: 6.5 · Cambridge IELTS 17 · 2026-07-30

IELTS Writing Task 2 question

In some countries, more and more people are hiring a personal fitness trainer, rather than playing sports or doing exercise classes. What are the reasons for this? Is this a positive or a negative development?

Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Student answer (Band 6.5)

In this contemporary era, maintaining health through gymnastics has become commonly used phenomenon. Around the globe, large population is hiring their particular athletic instructor instead of playing outdoors and doing physical activities. This is negative development as it may have detrimental impact on the health. This essay will elucidate the attributes related to the aforesaid notion in the upcoming paragraphs.

To initiate with, there are numerous reasons that support the view that appointing a personal gym trainer can have negative impacts on the overall performance. First and foremost, engaging a personal instructor could be very expensive as compared to physical exercise. To explain, people work for money which is the ultimate need, therefore, it is bit heavy on pocket for some individuals. Consequently, some citizens appoint these gym trainers to do intense workout under proper guidance but it needs meticulous attention when appointing these people due to fraudulent activities happening around.

Moreover, another notable attribute is that it ignores the significance of outdoor sports such as running and cycling. To illustrate, performing these physical activities every day can contribute to increase the stamina and keeps the body healthy without spending a penny on physical activities. For example, Running speed can be increased by running every day rather than by appointing a facilitator due to the practice it require perform the task. Likewise, large number of people do yoga to attain both physically and mentally healthy body.

In conclusion, it is clear from the above discussion that fitness need more of outdoor physical activities rather than calisthenics. Thus it is sagacious choice to do play outdoor sports that keep both mind and body healthy.

AI examiner evaluation

Task Achievement / Task Response — Band 6.5

The essay addresses both parts of the prompt, identifying reasons for hiring personal trainers and expressing a clear negative stance. However, the development of ideas is somewhat limited. While you mention cost and the importance of outdoor sports, the reasoning lacks depth. For instance, the argument that hiring a trainer is 'negative' because it is expensive is a weak point, as cost is a personal choice rather than a societal detriment. To improve, you should focus on more substantial arguments, such as the loss of social interaction in group sports or the potential for over-reliance on external motivation. The conclusion is also quite brief and does not fully synthesize the points made in the body paragraphs.

Coherence and Cohesion — Band 6.5

The essay is organized into logical paragraphs, and there is a clear introduction and conclusion. You use some cohesive devices such as 'To initiate with', 'Moreover', and 'In conclusion' to guide the reader. However, some transitions feel mechanical or slightly unnatural, such as 'To explain, people work for money which is the ultimate need'. Additionally, the referencing is sometimes unclear; for example, the connection between 'fraudulent activities' and the negative impact of personal trainers is not fully explained, making the progression of thought feel disjointed in the second paragraph. Improving the flow between sentences would enhance the overall coherence.

Lexical Resource — Band 6.5

You demonstrate an adequate range of vocabulary for the task, using terms like 'contemporary era', 'detrimental impact', and 'meticulous attention'. However, there are instances of awkward word choice and collocation errors. For example, 'maintaining health through gymnastics' is an inaccurate use of 'gymnastics' (which refers to the sport, not general exercise), and 'heavy on pocket' is an informal idiom that is not ideal for an academic essay. Furthermore, 'fitness need more of outdoor physical activities' contains a grammatical error in word choice. Expanding your range of precise, academic vocabulary and ensuring correct collocation will help you reach a higher band.

Grammatical Range and Accuracy — Band 6.0

The essay uses a mix of simple and complex sentence structures. While the meaning is generally clear, there are frequent grammatical errors that affect the precision of your writing. Examples include 'large population is hiring' (missing article 'a'), 'it needs meticulous attention when appointing these people' (unclear subject reference), and 'practice it require perform the task' (incorrect verb form). Punctuation is generally functional, but there are minor errors throughout. To improve, focus on subject-verb agreement, the correct use of articles, and ensuring that complex sentences are constructed with accurate verb forms and prepositions.

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