Band 6.0 IELTS Writing Task 2 Model Answer

Overall Band Score: 6.0 · Cambridge IELTS 17 · 2026-10-01

IELTS Writing Task 2 question

In some countries, more and more people are hiring a personal fitness trainer, rather than playing sports or doing exercise classes. What are the reasons for this? Is this a positive or a negative development?

Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Student answer (Band 6.0)

In recent years, there has been a significant shift in demand where a proportion number of people have started to hire personal trainer instead of doing exercise at home or playing outdoor sports. There are several reasons behind this development that I will explain in this essay. The aim of doing this is to improve health and fitness.

To begin with, In developing country like India and Pakistan are heavily populated where residential buildings have constructed on empty lands. Cities are not properly designed and the government has not allocated any public parks and grounds for citizens. At the same time, awareness of health has increased. They would like to stay fit by any means and personal trainers are the ones who are fulfilling their requirements.

Furthermore, personal trainers have gained a knowledge over the years about fitness and many techniques of intense training, which seems interesting alternatives because nowadays, people in our society works for longer hours. Therefore, they cannot allocate proper times for sports. This development often push them to join a gym where they can achieve their fitness goals by doing intense training with the help of fitness trainer.

I personally believe that this development has impacted individual's lifestyle in negative way because few individuals wants to achieve their goal in short period and in order to achieve it, they may end up taking steroid or massive amount of protein which may cause many health issues in long term such as cardiovascular disease and heart attack.

To sum up, alternative of sports may be a good option if people have focus on gradual improvement. Although there are some negative consequences in our society, many fitness trainer have contributed good enough to improve overall health index.

AI examiner evaluation

Task Achievement / Task Response: Band 6.0

The response addresses all parts of the prompt by discussing both the reasons for hiring a personal trainer and evaluating whether this trend is positive or negative. The position is clear throughout the essay. However, some ideas are under-developed or lack sufficient depth. For example, the point about urban development and a lack of public parks in countries like India and Pakistan is introduced but not fully connected to why this specifically drives people to personal trainers rather than alternative forms of solo exercise. Similarly, the discussion regarding the negative impacts touches on steroids and excessive protein, but remains somewhat superficial. To reach a higher level, you should extend and support your arguments with more detailed explanations and specific examples rather than broad generalisations.

Coherence and Cohesion: Band 6.0

The essay presents a coherent overall arrangement with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. Information and ideas are generally presented in a logical sequence, making the progression of your thoughts fairly easy to follow. However, cohesion at times feels mechanical or slightly faulty. For instance, transitional phrases like 'To begin with' and 'Furthermore' are used, but the internal links between sentences can be abrupt. Referencing is occasionally unclear, such as when pronouns like 'they' shift reference points rapidly between society, individuals, and trainers. Paragraphing is used, but the logical flow from one paragraph to the next could be smoother by ensuring clearer topical transitions. Developing a wider variety of cohesive devices without relying on repetitive formulas will help elevate your score.

Lexical Resource: Band 6.0

You demonstrate an adequate range of vocabulary for the task, successfully attempting less common items such as 'significant shift', 'residential buildings', and 'cardiovascular disease'. However, there are notable inaccuracies in word choice, word form, and collocation that prevent a higher score. Phrases like 'a proportion number of people' (instead of a proportional number or a growing number), 'hire personal trainer' (missing an article and pluralisation), and 'gained a knowledge' (unnecessary article) show that control over less common vocabulary is inconsistent. Spelling and word choice errors do not impede communication, but to achieve a higher band you must use lexical items more precisely and ensure correct word forms in complex phrases.

Grammatical Range and Accuracy: Band 5.5

The writing demonstrates a mix of simple and complex sentence forms, attempting structures such as relative clauses and conditional-like arguments. However, there are noticeable errors in grammar and punctuation. There are issues with subject-verb agreement and article usage, such as 'people in our society works for longer hours' (where 'works' should be 'work') and 'in short period' (missing the article 'a'). Additionally, sentence structures occasionally become strained, as seen in 'In developing country like India and Pakistan are heavily populated where residential buildings have constructed', which contains grammatical awkwardness and passive voice errors. While these errors rarely impede overall communication, the presence of frequent grammatical slips places this response firmly in the middle band.

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