Band 4.5 IELTS Writing Task 2 Model Answer

Overall Band Score: 4.5 · Cambridge IELTS 17 · 2026-11-01

IELTS Writing Task 2 question

In some countries, more and more people are hiring a personal fitness trainer, rather than playing sports or doing exercise classes. What are the reasons for this? Is this a positive or a negative development?

Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Student answer (Band 4.5)

Over the few years, it has been discovered that in some states, many people are shifting away from playing sports or attending fitness classes, they prefer to employ self trainer for their exercise.In this essay, I would state the reason for this view and discuss why this is positive develpoment.

To commence with, time is very precious for some people. They program virtually everything they want achieve in a year which they believe it not enough for them. This makes to prefer to hire an instuctor for their exercise which they can call during their free time rather than missing a fixed class because of their busy schedule and some unplanned events.

However, I believe this is a positive development because it helps to

AI examiner evaluation

Task Achievement / Task Response: Band 4.0

You identify one relevant reason: a personal trainer may offer greater flexibility for people with busy schedules or unexpected events. You also state that you consider this a positive development, so the response begins to address both parts of the question. However, the explanation of why people choose trainers is brief, and the positive effects are not explained: the final sentence stops at “it helps to”. The response therefore addresses the task only partially, with ideas left undeveloped and no supporting example. It is also substantially below the required 250 words, which limits how fully you can explain your reasons and evaluation. Develop at least one further reason and explain specific benefits or drawbacks before concluding your position clearly.

Coherence and Cohesion: Band 4.0

The response has a basic essay shape: an opening, a paragraph giving a reason, and a paragraph that begins to present your opinion. Linking phrases such as “To commence with” and “However” signal the intended movement between ideas. Nevertheless, the progression is incomplete: the final paragraph ends mid-sentence, so the reader does not receive the promised explanation or a conclusion. The first sentence also joins two independent ideas with a comma, making the relationship between them less clear. Build each paragraph around a complete point, use clear transitions between the reason and evaluation, and finish with a concluding sentence that restates your view. These steps would make the organisation easier to follow.

Lexical Resource: Band 5.5

You use some topic-relevant vocabulary, including “personal trainer,” “fitness classes,” “busy schedule,” and “unplanned events,” which makes your main reason understandable. There are also attempts at more formal phrasing, such as “positive development.” However, several choices are inaccurate or awkward, including “self trainer,” “program virtually everything,” and “instructor for their exercise.” Spelling errors such as “develpoment” and “instuctor” also reduce accuracy. The range is sufficient to communicate the basic idea, but precision and natural collocation are inconsistent. Prefer established expressions such as “hire a personal trainer,” “plan their schedules,” and “work out with a trainer,” and check spelling carefully.

Grammatical Range and Accuracy: Band 5.0

You attempt both simple and more complex sentence forms, including a clause explaining that people can call a trainer during their free time. However, control is uneven, and several errors make the sentences difficult to read. For example, “many people are shifting …, they prefer” incorrectly joins two complete clauses with a comma; “everything they want achieve” is missing “to”; and “which they believe it not enough” has an unclear clause structure. The phrase “This makes to prefer” also lacks a clear grammatical subject and verb pattern. Use shorter, complete sentences while checking clause boundaries, infinitives, and pronoun structure. Greater accuracy in these patterns would make your ideas clearer.

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