Band 4.5 IELTS Writing Task 1 Model Answer

Overall Band Score: 4.5 · Cambridge IELTS 12 · 2026-10-28

IELTS Writing Task 1 question

The bar chart below shows the percentage of Australian men and women in different age groups who did regular physical activity in 2010.

Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

Student answer (Band 4.5)

The given diagram illustrates basically percentage of ages to comparison men and women in 2010 there Australian.

Overall, firstly 15-year-old male immediately rise in 52.8 percentage, but the female of 24-year-old gradual rise in 47.7 percentage approximately. meanwhile, but 65-year-old men and women to approximately are equal.

Initially, A 15-year-old male were percentage rise in 52.8, other side female had of 24-year-old gradual rise in 47.7 percentage respectively. secondly, 25-year-old men were approximately below in 42.2 percentage, but 34-year-old women were approximately 50 percentage. Next one 35-year-old men gradual decrease 40 percentage, so 44-year-old women is fixed percentage. on the other hand, 45-year-old men bit rise approximately 43.1 percentage, but 54-year-old were women top rise approximately 54 percentage. In additional, 55-year-old men were bit rise respectively 46 percentage, 64-year-old were approximately 53 percentage. But 65-year-old men and women were gradual become equal.

AI examiner evaluation

Task Achievement / Task Response: Band 4.0

You identify the chart’s subject and include several relevant comparisons, such as men being higher in the youngest group and women reaching their highest levels around ages 45–64. However, the overview is unclear and some key details are inaccurate or misinterpreted: the chart groups people into age bands, not individual ages, and the figures for women aged 25–34 and 35–44 are 48.9% and 52.5%, not approximately 50% and a “fixed” percentage. The claim that the sexes are approximately equal at 65 and over is also misleading (46.7% versus 47.1%). The response is 142 words, below the required 150. Add a clear overview and report the main trends accurately, including that women exceed men in every group except 15–24.

Coherence and Cohesion: Band 4.5

There is an attempt to organise the response into an opening, an overview and a detail paragraph, and the age groups are generally discussed in chart order. This gives the reader some sense of progression. However, the overview does not clearly summarise the main pattern, and the detail paragraph reads as a sequence of loosely connected statements. Linking expressions such as “secondly,” “Next one,” “on the other hand” and “In additional” are repetitive or used awkwardly, while “Overall, firstly” combines functions that should be separated. Some references, including “the female of 24-year-old” and “54-year-old were women,” make it difficult to follow which age band is being described. Use a concise overview, then group comparisons logically and connect them with accurate, varied transitions.

Lexical Resource: Band 4.5

The response uses some chart-related vocabulary, including “percentage,” “gradual rise,” “decrease” and “approximately,” so the topic is recognisable. However, the range is basic and repetitive, and several word choices or collocations strain the reader, as in “percentage of ages to comparison,” “were percentage rise,” “fixed percentage” and “gradual become equal.” “Rise” and “decrease” are also applied inconsistently to describe figures that are static values across age groups rather than changes over time. More precise language for describing data would improve clarity: for example, say that a figure “stood at” a percentage, “peaked at” a value, or “was higher than” another figure. Aim for accurate, natural phrases rather than repeating “approximately” and “rise.”

Grammatical Range and Accuracy: Band 4.5

You attempt several sentence forms, including contrast clauses with “but” and “on the other hand,” and use past-tense forms to refer to the 2010 data. However, sentence structures are often incomplete or incorrectly formed, which makes relationships between ideas unclear. For example, “A 15-year-old male were percentage rise” has problems with the subject, verb and sentence construction, while “35-year-old men gradual decrease 40 percentage” lacks a finite verb. There are also recurring errors in articles, agreement and plural forms, as in “the female of 24-year-old” and “54-year-old were women.” Build sentences around a clear subject and verb, such as “The figure for men aged 15–24 was 52.8%,” and check agreement and age-group phrasing throughout.

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