Band 4.5 IELTS Writing Task 2 Model Answer

Overall Band Score: 4.5 · Cambridge IELTS 12 · 2026-11-10

IELTS Writing Task 2 question

At the present time, the population of some countries includes a relatively large number of young adults, compared with the number of older people.

Do the advantages of this situation outweigh the disadvantages?

Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Student answer (Band 4.5)

In todays era population of most of the countries depends on young and old people .some countries have larger number of young adults as compared to older people at present time .In this essay i will discuss both advantages and disadvantages of both population .

Diet is the main factors for one's health .If a person is healthy he or she can live a healthy life and the age factor will arise .healthy diet means healthy life eating nutrious food ,daily excercise make us halthy and strong .excercise can take off risk of death . In most of the countries young adults population is more because the young people goes to gym and they have different activities to do which makes them strong and healthy.swimming is the key factor and have so manay advatages towards health For instantif someone with heaalth issue swims they will have positive effects on health.

However on the otherside older peple have more time in relaxing they dont have activities to do which have worst effect on their health.at present the diet is not that much healthy as before everything is temperory so it has not that strong effects as before .walk is important factor for healthy life so it reduces the cardic assest .if there is no suh activity it will cause so many diseses which reduces life .

In conclusion athough there are older pepole in most of the countries but the population of young pepole is more because of healthy lifestyle of the young people . I think advnatges outweight disadvantages.

AI examiner evaluation

Task Achievement / Task Response: Band 4.0

The response attempts to discuss the situation and gives a final view that advantages outweigh disadvantages. However, it does not clearly explain the actual social or economic effects of having more young adults than older people. Most of the essay focuses on diet, exercise, swimming and health, and the claim that young people are more numerous because they have a healthy lifestyle does not answer the population question. The disadvantages paragraph also discusses older people’s activity levels rather than explaining consequences of an ageing population or a smaller older population. To address the task more directly, develop relevant points such as a larger workforce, pressure on employment or education, and the needs of older citizens, then support the chosen position with clear examples.

Coherence and Cohesion: Band 4.0

There is a basic essay shape, with an opening, two body paragraphs introduced by “However,” and a conclusion. This gives the reader some indication of the intended structure. However, ideas are not arranged in a coherent progression: the first body paragraph moves from diet and health to population size, exercise and swimming, without showing how these points connect to the question. The second paragraph similarly shifts between older people’s free time, diet and walking. Linking phrases such as “For instance” and “In conclusion” are attempted, but connections between claims are often unclear, and the conclusion repeats the opening’s focus on lifestyle rather than summarising a developed comparison. Organise each paragraph around one relevant advantage or disadvantage and explain the link between its supporting example and the main point.

Lexical Resource: Band 4.5

The response uses a basic range of topic-related vocabulary, including “population,” “healthy diet,” “activities,” “advantages” and “disadvantages,” and attempts some less common expressions such as “positive effects” and “risk of death.” However, vocabulary is repetitive and often imprecise, which makes several ideas difficult to understand. Phrases such as “the age factor will arise,” “reduces the cardic assest” and “everything is temperory” do not communicate a clear meaning in context. There are also frequent spelling errors, including “nutrious,” “excercise,” “diseses” and “advnatges.” Build a more accurate range for discussing population and society, and check spelling and collocations carefully; for example, use “a larger working-age population” rather than repeatedly referring to “young people.”

Grammatical Range and Accuracy: Band 4.5

The writing shows attempts at both simple and longer sentence forms, including conditional structures such as “If a person is healthy…” and “if someone with health issue swims…”. However, grammatical control is weak and errors are frequent, sometimes obscuring meaning. Examples include missing or incorrect articles and plurals in “Diet is the main factors,” subject–verb disagreement in “the young people goes,” and faulty sentence construction in “swimming is the key factor and have so manay advatages.” Sentence boundaries and punctuation are also inconsistent, with several ideas joined together without clear stops. Practise accurate subject–verb agreement, articles, and complete sentence formation before adding more complex structures. Clearer punctuation would help readers follow the relationships between your ideas.

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