Band 4.5 IELTS Writing Task 2 Model Answer

Overall Band Score: 4.5 · Cambridge IELTS 12 · 2026-11-13

IELTS Writing Task 2 question

At the present time, the population of some countries includes a relatively large number of young adults, compared with the number of older people.

Do the advantages of this situation outweigh the disadvantages?

Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Student answer (Band 4.5)

It is argued by some stastics that the population includes a mjority of young adults, compared with a number of older people.I believe that a highest number of young adults can bring more advantages for a country compared to any problems they might bring.

In my opinion, the benefits gained by realtively large number of young people in countries are extremely useful for the develoment of the world. Firstly, young people are able to do huge work in order to improve the quality of infrastructure in cities.Furthermore, uoung people provide crucial improvments each day, they work hard in manufacturing. Secondly, young people are not paid with a big amount of money, for governments it will be easier if the population consists of a large number of young people.For examples usually young people do not recieve free pills in hospital and they are not encourage with free food. young people pay absolutely everything themselves and there are no rewards.

There are some issues involved when the population of adults increased.One problem is that among adults may occur acompetition for a job and unem

AI examiner evaluation

Task Achievement / Task Response: Band 4.0

You state a clear view that the advantages of a large young-adult population outweigh the problems, and you give relevant points about infrastructure, manufacturing and lower public costs. However, the response addresses the task only partially: the benefits are asserted rather than explained with specific examples, and the disadvantage paragraph stops at “competition for a job and unem…”, so the opposing side is not meaningfully developed. The conclusion and a fuller comparison of the two sides are also missing. The response is below the required 250 words, which limits how fully you can explain your position. To strengthen this response, complete the disadvantages discussion and show why the benefits are more significant, using a concrete example or consequence for each main idea.

Coherence and Cohesion: Band 4.5

There is some basic organisation: an opening gives your position, a paragraph presents advantages, and you begin a paragraph on disadvantages. Linking expressions such as “Firstly,” “Furthermore” and “Secondly” help signal the sequence of points. However, progression is limited because several ideas are listed without showing how they connect, and the final paragraph is cut off before its point is completed. The advantages paragraph also shifts abruptly from workers’ contribution to their pay and access to benefits. Use separate, complete paragraphs for the introduction, each side of the argument and the conclusion; then connect each claim to its explanation with clear referencing and transitions rather than relying mainly on numbered linkers.

Lexical Resource: Band 5.0

You use some topic-relevant vocabulary, including “infrastructure,” “manufacturing,” “competition” and “population,” and the reader can generally identify your intended ideas. However, the range is limited and several spelling errors make the writing less clear, such as “stastics,” “mjority,” “realtively,” “develoment” and “improvments.” Some expressions are also imprecise or unnatural: “do huge work” and “a big amount of money” do not express the ideas as accurately as more specific collocations would. Aim to check spelling carefully and choose vocabulary that describes the point precisely—for example, distinguish between employment costs, public spending and workers’ contributions. This would make your argument clearer and more appropriate to an academic essay.

Grammatical Range and Accuracy: Band 5.0

You attempt both simple and more extended sentence forms, including “I believe that…” and “Firstly, young people are able to do…”. However, the range remains limited, and errors occur frequently enough to make some sentences difficult to follow. For example, “a highest number” has an incorrect article and superlative form, while “For examples usually young people…” has faulty sentence punctuation and an incorrect plural form. In “young people provide crucial improvments each day, they work hard in manufacturing,” two independent clauses are joined with a comma. Practise accurate articles, sentence boundaries and clause linking, and proofread each sentence for a complete subject and verb. Building a few clear complex sentences will help you express cause and contrast more reliably.

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