Band 5.5 IELTS Writing Task 2 Model Answer

Overall Band Score: 5.5 · Cambridge IELTS 12 · 2026-11-14

IELTS Writing Task 2 question

At the present time, the population of some countries includes a relatively large number of young adults, compared with the number of older people.

Do the advantages of this situation outweigh the disadvantages?

Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Student answer (Band 5.5)

Recently in the many part of world, the statistics show that a population number of young adults relatively lareger than the number of older people. Form my perspective, i totally believe that the increase in the number of younger age yield benefits that outweigh drawbaks.

The main advantages is that, the governments' economy will grow and improve faster. When the majority of the people in some countries are from young age, they have more capability to be effective and producer compared to the countreis with high number of older ages, This is mainly due to they are more health physicaly and energy to work in various jobs without tired comperd with older ages. For example, by 2023 the avidence from London university was emphasised that the countries that have larger among of young people were accounted significantly increased for the countreies eanred around 50% proportion more than other countries that involve larger numbers of older people. as a result, the governments will increase their earned due to the effort and health of younger employees. Furthermore, younger people can help to improve the tourism sector due to their ability to creat recreational activities that attract tourists.

On the other hand, a larger number of young adults in one place can lead to highl competitions between each other. These days, job's market has enough number of employees in most countries that have high percentage of younger ages. Therefore, the employability is decreased and it result increased in unemployment for most young people.

In conclusion, i strongly believe that the presence of large number of young adults can has a lot of advantages for the countries, such as increases countries ecnomy and tourism.

AI examiner evaluation

Task Achievement / Task Response: Band 6.0

Your position is clear: you believe the benefits of a younger population outweigh the drawbacks. You address both sides, identifying economic growth and tourism as advantages and competition for jobs as a disadvantage. These points are relevant, but they are not developed equally. The employment argument is brief, while the economic example is difficult to interpret because the statistic about countries earning “around 50% proportion more” is not clearly explained or linked to a specific measure. The tourism point is also asserted rather than supported with an example. To strengthen the response, explain how a larger working-age population contributes to growth and give a clearer, credible example; then show why these benefits outweigh the employment pressure you identify.

Coherence and Cohesion: Band 6.5

The response has a clear overall structure: an introduction states your view, separate paragraphs present advantages and a disadvantage, and the conclusion restates your position. This makes the main line of argument easy to follow. You also use signposting such as “For example,” “Furthermore,” and “On the other hand.” However, some links are mechanical or do not clearly show the relationship between ideas. For instance, “as a result” follows a statistic whose meaning is unclear, and the conclusion lists benefits without explicitly comparing them with unemployment. Develop a more direct progression within each paragraph, and use linking phrases to clarify cause, evidence, and contrast rather than simply marking the next point.

Lexical Resource: Band 5.0

You use some topic-relevant vocabulary, including “population,” “unemployment,” “tourism sector,” and “recreational activities,” and the reader can generally identify your intended meaning. However, the range and control are limited, with repeated references to “young people” and “older people” and several inaccurate or misspelled forms. Examples include “lareger,” “drawbaks,” “avidence,” and “countreies”; these errors can make parts of the economic example difficult to understand. Some combinations are also unnatural, such as “highl competitions” and “increase their earned.” Build a more precise set of phrases for describing age groups, employment, and economic effects, and check spelling and collocations carefully.

Grammatical Range and Accuracy: Band 5.0

You attempt both simple and more complex sentences, including a reason clause beginning “This is mainly due to” and a relative clause in “activities that attract tourists.” However, control is inconsistent, and errors in agreement, verb forms, articles, and sentence construction sometimes make the meaning harder to follow. For example, “The main advantages is” has a subject–verb agreement problem, while “the presence … can has” uses an incorrect verb form. The sentence beginning “When the majority…” also has an unclear grammatical structure, and punctuation is unreliable around the long example sentence. Practise building accurate subject–verb patterns and checking each sentence for a complete, correctly formed main clause before adding extra information.

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