Band 6.5 IELTS Writing Task 2 Model Answer

Overall Band Score: 6.5 · Cambridge IELTS 12 · 2026-07-24

IELTS Writing Task 2 question

At the present time, the population of some countries includes a relatively large number of young adults, compared with the number of older people.

Do the advantages of this situation outweigh the disadvantages?

Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Student answer (Band 6.5)

In today's generation population is expanding all around the globe. In some countries, young generation is beating the old citizens in population count. There are some drawbacks such as job risks and higher competition in education and schools. In my opinion, I disagree with the decision that ,the advantages of this situation outweigh the disadvantages.

The major reason is the growth of unemployment. Increasing population of youngster will also affect job culture. In this era everyone needs a secure job for their better future. Everyone is applying into same job and because of that it can create pressure into individuals mind and they can laid to some serious steps in their life such as leaving their family or commit a suicide. There was an article in The Hindustan times about an engineer who wants to do a job but due to increasing amount of application he got rejected and he leaves his family due to peer pressure of society.

Furthermore, there is another reason which is competition. Higher population of youngster can increase the competition in schools and colleges. parents are comparing their child with other pupils and student can take wrong steps regarding to his future. For instance, a student was preparing for JEE mains exam and due to high competition with millions of students he cannot bother it and drink poison.

In conclusion, I believe that there are some benefits of having young population, they can contribute to our economy and our GDP and it will increase and we can also be in the list of developed countries such as USA and UK. However, we should also take care of them and not creating any type of pressure on them for job and good academic score.

AI examiner evaluation

Task Achievement / Task Response — Band 6.5

The response addresses the prompt, but the development of ideas is somewhat limited and occasionally repetitive. While you clearly state your position, the arguments regarding unemployment and academic competition are somewhat narrow and rely on anecdotal examples rather than broader societal analysis. The conclusion mentions benefits, but these are not integrated into the main body paragraphs, which makes the overall argument feel slightly unbalanced. To improve, ensure that you explore both sides of the argument more thoroughly before reaching a conclusion, and try to provide more generalized, analytical reasoning rather than focusing solely on extreme individual cases.

Coherence and Cohesion — Band 6.5

The essay is organized into logical paragraphs, which helps the reader follow your argument. You use basic cohesive devices such as 'Furthermore' and 'In conclusion' to signal transitions. However, the flow between sentences is sometimes mechanical, and the use of referencing is occasionally unclear (e.g., 'they can laid to some serious steps'). The logical progression within paragraphs could be improved by ensuring that each supporting sentence clearly relates back to the main topic sentence. Overall, the structure is sufficient, but more sophisticated linking words and better control of referencing would elevate the coherence.

Lexical Resource — Band 6.5

The vocabulary is generally adequate for the task, allowing you to convey your meaning clearly. You use some topic-specific terms like 'unemployment', 'economy', and 'GDP'. However, there are several instances of awkward word choice and collocation errors, such as 'beating the old citizens', 'pressure into individuals mind', and 'cannot bother it'. These errors occasionally draw attention to the language rather than the content. To reach a higher band, focus on learning common collocations and using more precise academic vocabulary to express complex ideas rather than relying on simpler, sometimes imprecise, phrasing.

Grammatical Range and Accuracy — Band 6.0

You demonstrate a mix of simple and complex sentence structures. However, there are frequent grammatical errors, particularly with verb forms ('they can laid to'), article usage ('the young generation'), and sentence construction ('due to high competition... he cannot bother it'). Punctuation is also inconsistent, with unnecessary commas appearing in several places. While these errors do not completely impede communication, they are frequent enough to affect the overall fluency of the text. To improve, focus on subject-verb agreement and the correct use of prepositions and articles in an academic context.

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