Band 4.5 IELTS Writing Task 2 Model Answer
Overall Band Score: 4.5 · Cambridge IELTS 12 · 2026-08-06
IELTS Writing Task 2 question
At the present time, the population of some countries includes a relatively large number of young adults, compared with the number of older people.
Do the advantages of this situation outweigh the disadvantages?
Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.
Student answer (Band 4.5)
Research is the best way to improve people's work as well as business. Many individuals believe that sharing all data to others is best way to increase individuals' work, while others believe that some information is not shareable to others due to privacy reasons. In my opinion, I strongly believe that not sharing all information to others, because when people provide their work regarding data to others then someone misuse it.
On the one hand, few people share their all data to other individuals this is because, people think if they provide much data to other, someone will give them perfect advice for their business or work. For instance, when the age is around 20 years of people starts their business, then they share their all data to AI for improving their business stability. As a result, people gives their business private data to AI, which will create same problems in future.
On the other hand, most individuals agree with not sharing all information to others this is because, when some important data is published then people use it in the wrong way. To exemplify, if any bank publishes its all accounts' password, then hackers hack over the bank and misuse it. Therefore, bank lose its all money and data. Moreover, when scientists publishes their research's data, then it is misused by someone.
In conclusion, although, few believe to share all information to others to improve their research or business, mostly agree with do not publish important data is safe.
AI examiner evaluation
| Criterion | Band |
|---|---|
| Task Achievement / Task Response | 3.0 |
| Coherence and Cohesion | 5.0 |
| Lexical Resource | 5.0 |
| Grammatical Range and Accuracy | 5.0 |
| Overall | 4.5 |
Task Achievement / Task Response — Band 3.0
The response is completely off-topic. The prompt asks for a discussion on the advantages and disadvantages of a population with a large number of young adults compared to older people. However, your essay discusses the pros and cons of sharing data and research. Because you have not addressed the actual task prompt, the response fails to meet the requirements of the task. In an actual IELTS examination, this would result in a very low score for Task Achievement as the content is irrelevant to the question asked.
Coherence and Cohesion — Band 5.0
The essay is organised into paragraphs, and there is an attempt to use cohesive devices such as 'On the one hand', 'On the other hand', and 'In conclusion'. However, the progression of ideas is hindered by the fact that the content does not relate to the topic. The logical flow is mechanical, and the referencing is sometimes unclear, such as in the second paragraph where the connection between young people and AI data sharing is not well-explained or relevant to the prompt.
Lexical Resource — Band 5.0
The vocabulary is limited and repetitive. You frequently use basic terms like 'data', 'work', 'business', and 'people'. There are also issues with word choice and collocation, such as 'someone misuse it' instead of 'someone might misuse it' and 'hackers hack over the bank'. The range of vocabulary is insufficient to express complex ideas effectively, and the lack of topic-specific vocabulary is evident, though this is largely due to the essay being off-topic.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy — Band 5.0
The essay contains a mix of simple and some complex sentence structures, but there are frequent grammatical errors. Examples include 'sharing all data to others is best way' (missing articles), 'people gives their business' (subject-verb agreement error), and 'mostly agree with do not publish' (incorrect verb form). These errors occur throughout the text and occasionally impede the clarity of your message. A greater variety of error-free complex structures is needed for a higher band.
See this exact question answered at other band scores — the same prompt compared across bands.
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