Band 4.5 IELTS Writing Task 2 Model Answer

Overall Band Score: 4.5 · Cambridge IELTS 12 · 2026-08-10

IELTS Writing Task 2 question

At the present time, the population of some countries includes a relatively large number of young adults, compared with the number of older people.

Do the advantages of this situation outweigh the disadvantages?

Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Student answer (Band 4.5)

Now a days, the rate of people in some countries contains a relatively large amount of teenagers, as compared with the number of senior citizen.

The number of birth rate is increasing now a days as compared to the death rate.

Overall in this essay i will talk about the rate of population in different countries.

At the present time the rate of population is increasing day by day as compared to the death rate all over the world. The rate of newborn child have been increasing like selling hot cakes in the market. And the elderly people are decreasing day by day. In different countries the death rate of senior citizen have been increased rapidly due to many different diseases or problems. At present there are numerous diseases have been produced which affects the older people rapidly. That is why elder people are decreasing.

In some countries like China, India etc. the people are died due to overpopulation because there is lack of food and there is nothing to eat. People in these countries are searching for food but they did not find the food.

There are no advantages of outweigh these days. There are only disadvantages of outweigh. The main disadvantage of overpopulation is the lack of food as i already give example of it.

And in this new generation many governments of different countries are playing scheme to produce no more than two birth of a baby. because it can control the community of the world and also people will not be died due to overpopulation

AI examiner evaluation

Task Achievement / Task Response — Band 4.0

The response fails to address the prompt effectively. The task asks for a discussion on the advantages and disadvantages of a population with a large number of young adults compared to older people. Instead, the essay focuses on general overpopulation, birth rates, and death rates, which are tangential to the specific demographic shift requested. The position is unclear, and the arguments provided (such as lack of food) are not linked to the age structure of the population. The ideas are underdeveloped and lack relevant examples or logical support, leading to a failure to address the core requirements of the prompt.

Coherence and Cohesion — Band 5.0

The essay lacks a clear logical progression. While there is an attempt at paragraphing, the ideas within the paragraphs are disjointed and often repetitive. Cohesive devices are used in a very mechanical and sometimes incorrect way, such as the phrase 'There are no advantages of outweigh these days.' Referencing is often unclear, and the transition between the introduction and the body paragraphs is abrupt. The overall structure does not effectively guide the reader through a coherent argument, making the text difficult to follow at times.

Lexical Resource — Band 4.5

The vocabulary is limited and often used incorrectly. Phrases like 'selling hot cakes in the market' are inappropriate for an academic essay and demonstrate a lack of awareness of register. There is significant repetition of basic words such as 'rate', 'people', and 'countries'. Collocations are frequently inaccurate, such as 'playing scheme' instead of 'implementing policies' or 'people are died' instead of 'people are dying'. The range of vocabulary is insufficient to express complex ideas, and the errors occasionally impede the reader's understanding of the intended meaning.

Grammatical Range and Accuracy — Band 4.5

The essay contains frequent grammatical errors that often distort meaning. There are consistent issues with subject-verb agreement (e.g., 'the rate of newborn child have been increasing') and tense usage (e.g., 'people are died'). Sentence structures are predominantly simple, and attempts at more complex sentences are often faulty or ungrammatical. Punctuation is also inconsistent. The high frequency of errors throughout the text makes it difficult for the reader to process the information, indicating a lack of control over basic grammatical structures.

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