Band 5.0 IELTS Writing Task 2 Model Answer

Overall Band Score: 5.0 · Cambridge IELTS 12 · 2026-08-10

IELTS Writing Task 2 question

At the present time, the population of some countries includes a relatively large number of young adults, compared with the number of older people.

Do the advantages of this situation outweigh the disadvantages?

Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Student answer (Band 5.0)

These days and ages,the ratio of individuals of some nations consisting of a numerous amount of young adults are judged with the amount of aged people.In my perspective there are more de merits of this comparison as compared to the merits and the opinion is given in the ensuing paragraph.

Initially,it can be seen that the individuals around us are always compared in may prospects that may include wealth,education and so on.Nevertheless the comparison of the young and older people in our surroundings and all over the world is also a big issue.For instance,the amount of the money that the youngsters are earning as compared to the old people income.Furthermore,it might demotivates the young people to achieve the aims of their lives.

In addition,this comparison can lead to the sense of deprivation and demotivation among the young individuals.They may feel themselves inferior to the elder people for that they are more wealthy and are settle in their lives.It may also difficult for the old people to be compared withe young ones as they are considered to work as the youngsters instead of realising the condition of their immune system.Such as the elder people are not that strong like the young ones.They cannot deal with the things that needs physical suuport as compared to the young people's dealtation.

In conclusion to conclude that there are more de merits of the comparison of the young ones and the older ones in many states as it leads to many insecurities and sense of deprivation.

AI examiner evaluation

Task Achievement / Task Response — Band 4.0

The response struggles to address the prompt accurately. The prompt asks about the demographic situation of having a large number of young adults compared to older people. However, you have interpreted the task as a discussion about the 'comparison' between young and old people in terms of wealth and status. This is a misinterpretation of the topic. Consequently, your ideas are not relevant to the actual question asked. To improve, ensure you carefully analyze the prompt to identify the core subject—in this case, the societal implications of a youth-heavy population—rather than focusing on interpersonal comparisons.

Coherence and Cohesion — Band 5.0

The essay is organized into paragraphs, but the logical progression is weak due to the misinterpretation of the topic. While you use some cohesive devices like 'Initially,' 'Furthermore,' and 'In addition,' they often feel mechanical or do not effectively link the ideas to the central argument. The referencing is sometimes unclear, and the conclusion is repetitive and grammatically incomplete. To improve, focus on ensuring that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence that directly relates to the prompt and that your ideas flow logically from one to the next.

Lexical Resource — Band 5.0

Your vocabulary is limited and includes several awkward collocations and non-standard phrasing, such as 'these days and ages,' 'numerous amount,' and 'young people's dealtation.' These errors occasionally make it difficult for the reader to follow your intended meaning. You rely on basic vocabulary and struggle to use more precise or academic language. To reach a higher band, focus on learning common collocations and using more sophisticated vocabulary that is appropriate for an academic essay, while ensuring you use these words in the correct context.

Grammatical Range and Accuracy — Band 5.0

There are frequent grammatical errors throughout the text, including issues with subject-verb agreement ('the ratio... are judged'), missing articles, and incorrect sentence structures ('It may also difficult'). Punctuation is also inconsistent, with missing spaces after commas. You rely mostly on simple sentence structures, and attempts at more complex sentences often result in errors that impede clarity. To improve, focus on mastering basic sentence construction, subject-verb agreement, and the correct use of articles before attempting more complex grammatical structures.

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