Band 5.5 IELTS Writing Task 2 Model Answer
Overall Band Score: 5.5 · Cambridge IELTS 12 · 2026-08-11
IELTS Writing Task 2 question
At the present time, the population of some countries includes a relatively large number of young adults, compared with the number of older people.
Do the advantages of this situation outweigh the disadvantages?
Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.
Student answer (Band 5.5)
NOWADAYS, IN FEW NATIONS THE HIGHEST PROPORTION YOUTHS ARE HIGHER RATHER THAN ELDERLY PEOPLE. DAY BY DAY POPULATION IS INCREASING BECAUSE OF THE GETTING MORE ACHIEVEMENTS IN HEALTH CARE SECTOR AND WHY BENEFITS OF THIS TREND HAVING MORE AS COMPARE TO CAUSES CAN BE EXPLAIN IN FOLLOWING PARAGRAPHS.
TO COMMENCE WITH, INCREASING NUMBER OF THE YOUNG PEOPLE CAN HELPFUL IN COUNTIES ECONOMY AND SCIENTIFIC INVENTIONS AND ALL OVER THE GROWTH OF NATION. FOR INSTANCE, THE NATION LIKE CHINA WHERE YOUNG ADULTS ARE MORE SO THEY NO WORRY ABOUT THE LABOUR SHORTAGE BEACUSE YOUNGER GENERATION HAVE MORE POWER TO DO HARD WORK SUCH AS LIFTING WEIGHTS, AND FOR MANUAL WORKS. MOREOVER, AT THE YOUNGER AGE THINKING CAPABLITIES AND INOVATIVE IDEA ARE MORE ACCOURD ALSO, THEY MORE RISK TAKERS FOR THEIR FUTURE PLANS.
ON THE OTHER HAND, THERE ARE SOME DRAWBACKS OF THIS TREND BECAUSE INCREASING COUNT OF YOUTHS CAN LEADS TO TOUGH COMPETATION WHILE IT ABOUT GETTING JOBS AND EDUCATION. FOR EXAMPLE, DUE TO GROWING THE NUMBER OF INDIVIDUALS THEY HAVE TO FIGHTS TO EXPRESS THEY HAVE BETTER SKILLS THAN OTHER PERSONS. IN ADDITION TO, IT ALSO CAN INCREASE TO UNEMPLOYEMENT BECAUSE CANDIDENTS ARE MORE AVAILABLE FOR THE SAME JOBS AND THE POSTIONS ARE QUIT FEWS SO THERE FOR JOBS ARE NOT MUCH AS COMPARE TO GROWING NUMBER OF YOUNGSTERS.
IN CONCLUSION, NUMBER OF YOUNG AGE PERSON ARE HAVING MORE PROS BECAUSE IT CAN HELPS TO OVELALL GROWTH OF NATION BY CONTIBUTING THROUGH MONEY OR ACHIEVEMENTS AS WHILE AMONG THE MAIN DISADVANTAGE OF IT IS UNEMPLOYMENT AND COMPITATION.
AI examiner evaluation
| Criterion | Band |
|---|---|
| Task Achievement / Task Response | 5.5 |
| Coherence and Cohesion | 5.5 |
| Lexical Resource | 5.5 |
| Grammatical Range and Accuracy | 5.5 |
| Overall | 5.5 |
Task Achievement / Task Response — Band 5.5
The response addresses the prompt by discussing both advantages and disadvantages of a young population. However, the development of ideas is somewhat limited. While you mention economic growth and innovation as benefits, and unemployment and competition as drawbacks, these points are not fully extended with sophisticated reasoning. The position is clear, but the supporting examples, such as the mention of 'lifting weights' for manual labor, are a bit simplistic and do not fully capture the complexities of the demographic shift. To improve, focus on providing more nuanced analysis of how a young population impacts long-term societal structures rather than focusing solely on physical labor or basic job competition.
Coherence and Cohesion — Band 5.5
The essay is organized into logical paragraphs, each with a clear focus. You use basic cohesive devices like 'To commence with', 'Moreover', and 'On the other hand' to signal transitions. However, the flow between sentences is sometimes mechanical, and there are instances where the logical progression is hindered by awkward phrasing, such as 'why benefits of this trend having more as compare to causes can be explain'. While the paragraphing is appropriate, the use of cohesive devices could be more varied and natural to improve the overall readability and logical flow of your arguments.
Lexical Resource — Band 5.5
The vocabulary is adequate for the task but lacks the precision and range required for higher bands. You rely on repetitive or slightly inaccurate word choices, such as 'highest proportion youths' instead of 'a high proportion of young people' and 'quit fews' instead of 'quite few'. There are also several spelling and collocation errors, such as 'accourd' (occurred/acquired) and 'contibuting'. While the meaning is generally clear, the lack of sophisticated vocabulary and the presence of errors in word formation prevent a higher score. Expanding your range of academic collocations would be beneficial.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy — Band 5.5
The essay contains a mix of simple and complex sentence structures, but there are frequent grammatical errors that occasionally impede the reader's understanding. Examples include 'in few nations the highest proportion youths are higher rather than elderly people' and 'due to growing the number of individuals they have to fights'. Subject-verb agreement, article usage, and prepositional errors are common throughout the text. While you attempt complex sentences, they are often faulty. To improve, focus on mastering basic sentence construction and proofreading for common errors like pluralization and verb tense consistency before attempting more complex structures.
See this exact question answered at other band scores — the same prompt compared across bands.
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