Band 4.5 IELTS Writing Task 2 Model Answer
Overall Band Score: 4.5 · Cambridge IELTS 12 · 2026-08-14
IELTS Writing Task 2 question
At the present time, the population of some countries includes a relatively large number of young adults, compared with the number of older people.
Do the advantages of this situation outweigh the disadvantages?
Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.
Student answer (Band 4.5)
It has been universally acknowledged that now days the population of some countries includes a large number of young adults, compared with the number of older people. although the main demerits are job employees and countries develpoment, there are several merits of this trend too.
On the one hand, one of the major disadvantages of this trend is the job employees problems which is due to the fact that when young adults no any more so worker and drivers job employee not more then older health problem so they can not do it.
AI examiner evaluation
| Criterion | Band |
|---|---|
| Task Achievement / Task Response | 4.0 |
| Coherence and Cohesion | 5.0 |
| Lexical Resource | 5.0 |
| Grammatical Range and Accuracy | 4.5 |
| Overall | 4.5 |
Task Achievement / Task Response — Band 4.0
The response is significantly under the required 250-word minimum, reaching only 93 words. Consequently, the task is not fully addressed. The ideas presented are underdeveloped and lack the necessary depth or supporting examples required for an academic essay. The position is stated, but the arguments are fragmented and fail to explore the advantages and disadvantages in a meaningful way. To improve, you must expand your response by providing clear, well-supported arguments for both sides of the prompt, ensuring you meet the word count requirement to allow for full development of your ideas.
Coherence and Cohesion — Band 5.0
The essay lacks a clear logical progression. While there is an attempt to use cohesive devices like 'On the one hand', the overall structure is disjointed. The paragraphing is insufficient, and the transition between the introduction and the body paragraph is abrupt. The ideas are not clearly linked, making it difficult for the reader to follow the argument. To improve, focus on using a clear paragraph structure: an introduction, two body paragraphs (one for advantages, one for disadvantages), and a conclusion. Use a wider variety of linking words to connect your sentences and ideas more fluidly.
Lexical Resource — Band 5.0
The vocabulary is quite limited and repetitive. There are several errors in word choice and collocation, such as 'job employees problems' and 'no any more so worker'. These errors occasionally impede the clarity of your message. The range of vocabulary is insufficient to express complex ideas effectively. To improve, try to learn and use more precise terminology related to demographics and economics, and focus on correct collocations. Avoid repeating the same words and aim for a more varied range of academic vocabulary.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy — Band 4.5
The response contains frequent grammatical errors that often make the meaning unclear. Examples include 'now days' (nowadays), 'develpoment' (development), and 'no any more so worker'. The sentence structures are simple and often contain syntax errors, such as 'drivers job employee not more then older health problem'. There is a lack of complex sentence structures, and the errors present are frequent enough to cause difficulty for the reader. To improve, focus on basic sentence construction, subject-verb agreement, and proofreading for common spelling and punctuation mistakes.
See this exact question answered at other band scores — the same prompt compared across bands.
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