Band 5.0 IELTS Writing Task 2 Model Answer

Overall Band Score: 5.0 · Cambridge IELTS 12 · 2026-09-09

IELTS Writing Task 2 question

At the present time, the population of some countries includes a relatively large number of young adults, compared with the number of older people.

Do the advantages of this situation outweigh the disadvantages?

Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Student answer (Band 5.0)

At the present time the population of some countries is relatively greater number of young than adults.

From the one side, I think it might be a good sign because a higher number of adults means greater number of development, for example when they study there country economy became to decrease gradually they work for their progress and make effort day and night, Basically a nation progress is a economy progress, so if they work hard and make money, it means more funds for state and the value of country became to grow up.

For example France economy became to decrease gradually in year 2004 when they have greater number of older people, but in 2009 when they see their had larger number of adults in their state, they see progress in only 2 months, it simply means more adults means more development and progress.

But also some of it's draw backs are, For example in 2007 the increasing rate of adults have make unemployment, they have skills but the there's no space for them and s economy's power became to decrease slightly.

From the other side if there's higher rate of older people than adults in a country or nation, then I think it a bad sign and we see that its power is decreased before it, because they have no young who work for them and make money for themselves and their state, I think this country lack resources.

In conclusion I think that it is important for a state or a country to have at least same number of adults and older people for their growth of state.

AI examiner evaluation

Task Achievement / Task Response — Band 5.0

The response addresses the prompt but struggles with clarity and logical development. While you attempt to discuss the advantages and disadvantages of a young population, the arguments are often contradictory or confusing. For instance, you claim that a large number of young adults leads to economic progress, but then suggest it causes unemployment. The examples provided, such as the specific economic data for France, appear factually questionable and are not used effectively to support your position. To improve, ensure your main ideas are clearly stated in a thesis and supported by logical, coherent reasoning rather than anecdotal or confusing claims.

Coherence and Cohesion — Band 5.0

The essay is divided into paragraphs, which is a positive step, but the internal flow is frequently interrupted by unclear phrasing and awkward transitions. The use of cohesive devices is limited and sometimes mechanical, such as the repetitive use of 'For example' and 'From the other side'. The progression of ideas is often disjointed, making it difficult for the reader to follow your argument. To improve, focus on using a wider variety of linking words (e.g., 'consequently', 'furthermore', 'conversely') and ensure that each paragraph focuses on a single, well-developed idea that connects logically to the next.

Lexical Resource — Band 5.0

Your vocabulary is quite limited and often repetitive, which restricts your ability to express complex ideas. There are frequent errors in word choice and collocation, such as 'economy became to decrease' or 'increasing rate of adults have make unemployment'. These errors sometimes make it difficult to grasp your intended meaning. To reach a higher band, you should aim to use a broader range of vocabulary related to economics and demographics, and pay closer attention to the correct form of words (e.g., using 'economic growth' instead of 'economy progress').

Grammatical Range and Accuracy — Band 5.0

The essay contains frequent grammatical errors that often impede communication. There are consistent issues with verb tense, subject-verb agreement, and sentence structure. For example, 'when they study there country economy became to decrease' is grammatically incorrect and confusing. You rely heavily on simple sentence structures, and attempts at more complex sentences often result in errors. To improve, focus on mastering basic sentence construction, particularly subject-verb agreement and the correct use of articles and prepositions. Proofreading for common errors like 'there' versus 'their' would also be highly beneficial.

See this exact question answered at other band scores — the same prompt compared across bands.

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