Band 4.5 IELTS Writing Task 2 Model Answer

Overall Band Score: 4.5 · Cambridge IELTS 12 · 2026-09-09

IELTS Writing Task 2 question

At the present time, the population of some countries includes a relatively large number of young adults, compared with the number of older people.

Do the advantages of this situation outweigh the disadvantages?

Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Student answer (Band 4.5)

The recently the population of several countries includes a relatively huge amount of young people as compared to the older number of people it,s mainly depends of country and their people life span and age factor which lead young and older people relatively.

At present era there is thousands of people surviving in each country . but it totally depends on country that how they control population . Now days the new born of babies is just increased which lead young people in future that's the main reason as compared to older peoples. it also main factor of young population.

There recently population of older than younger peoples is their own pros and cons however the young generation is good for upcoming problems and situation they smartly and easy to fits in any kinds of environment solve the problems in efficient way try to minimize errors tackles problems then older ones because the new generation deal with and kinds of technologies they grew up in modern era they knew it weather how to deal's challenges these all thing they made superior as compared to older peoples moreover the older people their own pros and younger also cons because older people have lots of experiences in their work which you definitely the younger people can't compete older people the main advantage goes to older people their age it,s mean more year of life give directly lots of experiences in conclusion for this modern era the younger people give smart responses than older ones.

AI examiner evaluation

Task Achievement / Task Response — Band 5.0

The response addresses the prompt by discussing the pros and cons of a young population, but the development is weak. The ideas are repetitive and lack specific examples or logical depth. The position is somewhat unclear, as the essay struggles to maintain a coherent argument regarding whether the advantages outweigh the disadvantages. Many sentences are vague, such as 'it totally depends on country that how they control population,' which does not directly answer the prompt. To improve, you should dedicate clear paragraphs to the advantages and disadvantages, providing concrete reasoning and examples for each, and ensure your conclusion clearly states your final position.

Coherence and Cohesion — Band 4.0

The essay lacks a clear structure. It is essentially one long, run-on paragraph, which makes it difficult to follow the progression of ideas. There is a lack of effective cohesive devices; sentences are often joined by commas or run together without proper punctuation or transition words. Referencing is also problematic, as the subject of many sentences is unclear. To achieve a higher score, you must use clear paragraphing to separate your introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. Additionally, you should use a variety of linking words (e.g., 'furthermore', 'consequently', 'on the other hand') to guide the reader through your argument.

Lexical Resource — Band 5.0

The vocabulary is limited and often used incorrectly. There is significant repetition of words like 'people', 'young', and 'older'. Some phrases are awkward or non-standard, such as 'the new born of babies is just increased' and 'older than younger peoples'. The range of vocabulary is insufficient to express complex ideas clearly. To improve, focus on learning collocations and synonyms for common words. Avoid using informal or fragmented phrasing. Expanding your vocabulary to include more precise, academic terms related to demographics and social issues will help you convey your points more effectively.

Grammatical Range and Accuracy — Band 4.0

The essay contains frequent grammatical errors that often impede communication. There are persistent issues with subject-verb agreement (e.g., 'it,s mainly depends'), incorrect verb tenses, and missing articles. Sentence structure is often fragmented or run-on, with a lack of proper punctuation. There is very little evidence of complex sentence structures, and the errors are so frequent that they distract the reader throughout the text. To improve, focus on mastering basic sentence construction, ensuring every sentence has a clear subject and verb, and practicing the correct use of punctuation to separate distinct ideas.

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