Band 5.0 IELTS Writing Task 2 Model Answer
Overall Band Score: 5.0 · Cambridge IELTS 12 · 2026-09-18
IELTS Writing Task 2 question
At the present time, the population of some countries includes a relatively large number of young adults, compared with the number of older people.
Do the advantages of this situation outweigh the disadvantages?
Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.
Student answer (Band 5.0)
Some people believe that in many countries the population of young adults are increasing as compared to older people. I presume that the benefits of these precautionary action would surpass its drawbacks to a major extent. My position is elaborated further with reasons and relevant examples.
Examining the brighter side of, the formost one is that people may have more opportunities to receive educational facilities. For example, students can get better education in Universities such as NUST University in Islamabad. Moreover, people may face challenges to find appropriate employment. As a result, They have move to abroad and big cities to get better employment in companies.
Furthermore, the mentioned benefit is that many countries have more shopping malls and hospitals. people may feel satisfy because patients can easily get better treatment and medical facilities.
On contrary, I would not overlook the disadvantage. To begin with, a large number of older people may exhaust due to traffic congestion and air pollution. They use to intake of fresh vegetables and fruits instead of taking junk food.
To conclude, there are both merits and demerits of increasing number of young population. I believe that young population are growing in countries has more advantages because big cities provide better education and jobs, convenient and comfortable facilities.
AI examiner evaluation
| Criterion | Band |
|---|---|
| Task Achievement / Task Response | 5.0 |
| Coherence and Cohesion | 5.0 |
| Lexical Resource | 5.0 |
| Grammatical Range and Accuracy | 5.0 |
| Overall | 5.0 |
Task Achievement / Task Response — Band 5.0
The response addresses the prompt regarding the advantages and disadvantages of a population with a large number of young adults, taking a clear position that the advantages outweigh the disadvantages. However, the ideas are under-developed and lack sufficient support. Furthermore, the length requirement has not been met, as the essay contains only 212 words, which falls significantly short of the 250-word minimum. This results in an automatic penalty under Task Achievement. While the writer attempts to provide reasons such as educational facilities and employment opportunities, these points remain vague and lack robust examples. The discussion of disadvantages is also superficial and slightly confusing, mentioning that older people may exhaust due to traffic congestion. Therefore, the response aligns best with Band 5.
Coherence and Cohesion — Band 5.0
The essay is divided into paragraphs, though some paragraphs are very brief. There is an attempt at logical organization, using cohesive devices such as 'Furthermore', 'Moreover', and 'To conclude'. However, referencing and transitions are frequently awkward or mechanical, such as 'Furthermore, the mentioned benefit is that...' and 'On contrary, I would not overlook the disadvantage.' Progression is hindered by sudden shifts in topics and lack of clear linking between sentences, particularly in the body paragraphs where ideas feel disjointed. Paragraphing is attempted, but the overall structural flow is weak, justifying a score of 5.0.
Lexical Resource — Band 5.0
The vocabulary used is adequate for basic communication, but it is repetitive and lacks precision. The student attempts some less common phrases, such as 'precautionary action', 'appropriate employment', and 'traffic congestion', but these often display awkward collocation or incorrect usage, as seen in 'intake of fresh vegetables and fruits instead of taking junk food.' Word choice errors are noticeable throughout the text, for instance, 'people may feel satisfy' instead of 'satisfied', and 'They have move to abroad'. The lexical range is limited and minimally adequate for the task, placing it squarely at Band 5.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy — Band 5.0
The essay demonstrates a mix of simple and some attempted complex sentence forms. However, grammatical accuracy is weak, with frequent errors that cause strain for the reader. Examples of grammatical errors include subject-verb agreement issues such as 'the population of young adults are increasing' and 'young population are growing', as well as tense and structural errors like 'They use to intake'. Punctuation is generally basic. While simple sentences are sometimes accurate, attempts at complex structures frequently result in faulty syntax. This level of control corresponds to a Band 5.
See this exact question answered at other band scores — the same prompt compared across bands.
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