Band 4.5 IELTS Writing Task 2 Model Answer

Overall Band Score: 4.5 · Cambridge IELTS 12 · 2026-10-02

IELTS Writing Task 2 question

At the present time, the population of some countries includes a relatively large number of young adults, compared with the number of older people.

Do the advantages of this situation outweigh the disadvantages?

Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Student answer (Band 4.5)

In the modren era, the population of few countries includes a relatively numerous number of youngsters, compared with the number of older people. Nowadays, mostly people prefer to go abroad. In my opinion, both are partially advantages and disadvantages of this situation. This essay will discuss in the upcoming paragraphs.

To commence with, a signifnct number of individuals would like to study in foriegn places. Moreover, they are doing work in their life. Because they want to be successfull in their life. That's why the population of some countries includes a relatively large number of young adults. they are spending own time at work or learn something new skills. For example: immence count of person go to onother country namely, CAnada, America, Australia, United Kingdom.

Moving on further, if there are some advantages for the young citizens along with several drawbacks. When children have grown up their entire life then they have forgotton their child care or parents and relatives. Old age people are without caring they do not stay live long. Owing to , They have do not good take care person like children. their health is not well and they do not health-concious. Therefore, they become early in senior adults.

In conclude, I would like to say that, Although, big amount of adults live healthy because they are health concious. Furthermore, they are joining the jym today's world and eat some nutritions. Yet, older people are not well because they have not good food and care at home. For the reason that, older people are living alone and far from their children.

AI examiner evaluation

Task Achievement / Task Response: Band 4.0

The response addresses the task only minimally and tangentially, which reflects a restricted engagement with the prompt. While the writer touches upon the topic of a young population versus older individuals, the position taken is somewhat unclear and difficult to follow due to disjointed reasoning. Ideas are very limited and poorly developed, often straying into tangentially related points such as studying abroad or joining a gym rather than thoroughly exploring the broader socioeconomic advantages and disadvantages of an age-imbalanced population. For instance, the mention of Canadians, Americans, and Australians going abroad does not directly answer whether the youth-heavy population offers a net positive or negative effect. To improve towards a higher band, the writer needs to clearly state a coherent position and fully develop distinct, relevant arguments regarding workforce dynamics, healthcare, and economic growth with logical support.

Coherence and Cohesion: Band 4.5

Information and ideas are not arranged in a truly coherent manner throughout the essay. Although the writer attempts to use organizational markers such as 'To commence with', 'Moving on further', and 'In conclude', the logical progression between sentences and paragraphs is frequently broken. Paragraphing is attempted, but the internal structure of each paragraph lacks clear thematic unity, jumping abruptly between disparate ideas like moving abroad and elderly care. Referencing is sometimes unclear, with pronouns such as 'they' and 'their' creating ambiguity regarding whether the writer is referring to young adults or older citizens. To achieve a higher band, the response requires a clearer overall progression of ideas, more precise referencing to maintain clarity, and logical transitions that genuinely connect one point to the next.

Lexical Resource: Band 4.5

The vocabulary used is basic, repetitive, and restricted in range, frequently straining the reader's comprehension. There are numerous spelling errors and inaccurate word choices throughout the text, such as 'modren', 'signifnct', 'foriegn', 'successfull', 'immence', 'onother', and 'nutritions'. The writer attempts some less common vocabulary, but these attempts are marred by collocation errors and incorrect word forms, such as 'senior adults' instead of senior citizens, or 'health-concious'. To move up to the next band, the writer must expand their lexical repertoire, ensuring accurate spelling, appropriate word choices, and better control over word formation when attempting more sophisticated vocabulary.

Grammatical Range and Accuracy: Band 4.5

The writing demonstrates a very limited range of grammatical structures, relying heavily on basic, repetitive sentence patterns. Errors in grammar are frequent and often distort the intended meaning, causing significant difficulty for the reader. There are persistent issues with subject-verb agreement, verb tense consistency, and awkward phrasing, such as in sentences like 'When children have grown up their entire life then they have forgotton their child care or parents' and 'Owing to , They have do not good take care person like children.' Punctuation and article usage are also weak throughout the essay. To reach a higher band, the writer needs to demonstrate a greater variety of sentence structures, including accurate complex forms, and significantly reduce the frequency of basic grammatical errors.

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