Band 6.0 IELTS Writing Task 2 Model Answer

Overall Band Score: 6.0 · Cambridge IELTS 12 · 2026-10-04

IELTS Writing Task 2 question

At the present time, the population of some countries includes a relatively large number of young adults, compared with the number of older people.

Do the advantages of this situation outweigh the disadvantages?

Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Student answer (Band 6.0)

In recent years, the population of young adults is raising than older individuals has become increasingly common in many parts of the world. Although this development offers several advantages, it also has certain disadvantages. This essay will discuss both benefits and drawbacks of increasing number of young generation than older before reaching conclusion.

One significant advantage of more number of prime age group is economical growth of country. This is mainly because people between age 35 to 45 years are well polished and skilled as well as they are serving in numerous fields with potential which positively impact on state's GDP. For instance, most of the engineer working in civil, machinal, electrical fields are in their prime age group. They introduce multiple advances in technology. As a result, companies import these advanced technology and help to strengthen economy. Another benefit is they pay taxes according to their salary which plays a crucial part in economical growth.

Despite these advantages, decrease population of older generation has a negative impact on society because they are rich in cultural values, traditions and moral ethics. They plays an active role to gather their families under one roof on every event in this modern life which is stressful and hectic. To illustrate it more, in our religious event such as Eid our old ones make it compulsory practice for our families to go back hometown to celebrate this wonderful occasion. consequently, it facilitates families to stay connected and being a part of everyone's joy and sorrows.

In conclusion, although increased number of young adults than aged citizens can provide considerable benefits, particularly in terms of progressive state, it also presents certain challenges, such as lack of moral values and forgotten cultural values. Therefore, the benefits and drawbacks of this development should be carefully considered.

AI examiner evaluation

Task Achievement / Task Response: Band 5.5

The response addresses all parts of the task by discussing both the advantages and disadvantages of a population with a large number of young adults compared to older people, presenting a clear position throughout. However, some ideas are under-developed or touch upon generalities rather than deep analysis. For instance, the discussion on economic growth mentions that prime-age individuals are 'well polished and skilled' and introduces engineers, but this point lacks concrete extension. Similarly, the drawback regarding cultural values and traditions is introduced but relies on a single personal illustration about attending religious events like Eid. To move to a higher band, the writer needs to fully extend and support all ideas with broader reasoning and fully realised examples rather than relying on limited explanations.

Coherence and Cohesion: Band 6.5

The response demonstrates a coherent overall arrangement with a clear logical organisation. The essay is appropriately divided into four paragraphs, including an introduction, two body paragraphs representing each side of the argument, and a conclusion. Cohesive devices are used to connect ideas, such as 'One significant advantage', 'Despite these advantages', and 'In conclusion'. However, cohesion is sometimes mechanical, and referencing or linking between sentences occasionally feels abrupt, as seen with transitions like 'To illustrate it more'. The half-band achievement reflects a strong command of basic paragraphing and clear overall progression, though more flexible and seamless referencing is required to reach the next level.

Lexical Resource: Band 5.5

The writer uses an adequate range of vocabulary for the task, successfully attempting less common lexical items such as 'economical growth', 'potential', and 'cultural values'. However, there are noticeable errors in word choice, word form, and collocation that occasionally cause strain for the reader. Examples include writing 'is raising than older individuals' instead of 'rising faster than that of older individuals', 'decrease population' instead of 'decreased population', and 'machinal' instead of 'mechanical'. Spelling and morphological inaccuracies like 'consequently' starting a sentence incorrectly without proper punctuation integration also occur. To achieve a higher band, the vocabulary needs greater precision, better control of word forms, and fewer recurring errors.

Grammatical Range and Accuracy: Band 5.5

The essay displays a mix of simple and complex sentence forms, attempting relative clauses and multi-clause sentences. However, there are frequent errors in grammar and punctuation throughout the text that can cause some difficulty for the reader. These include issues with subject-verb agreement and article usage, such as 'more number of prime age group is economical growth of country', 'most of the engineer working', and 'They plays an active role'. Prepositions inside grammatical patterns are also misused, such as 'impact on state's GDP'. To reach a higher level, the writer must produce a greater proportion of error-free complex sentences and demonstrate better control over tense consistency, plurals, and subject-verb agreement.

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