Band 4.5 IELTS Writing Task 2 Model Answer

Overall Band Score: 4.5 · Cambridge IELTS 12 · 2026-10-06

IELTS Writing Task 2 question

At the present time, the population of some countries includes a relatively large number of young adults, compared with the number of older people.

Do the advantages of this situation outweigh the disadvantages?

Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Student answer (Band 4.5)

At the present time, the population of some countries have large number of young people rather than old people because of lower lifespan nowadays. Nowadays people die unexpectedly. Some of them don't even cross there 50's. Nowadays people also consume a large amount of unhealthy food and drinks. That are not beneficial to there health.

The other possible reason is large number of production of humans every year. Nowadays people are born and kept healthy. Firstly In ancient timed people would die fast because of not getting proper treatment but today's generation adults are more health consious then adults.

The usage of gym, yoga and pilates have increades in young people. They want to live healthy life.

If the adults would have taken care of themselves in their youth, the situation would be different today. The death ratio would be less compared to today. And in country like India, it is very difficult to maintain a healthy life based on the food they consume.

According to my knowledge, the advantages of this situation overweighs the disadvantages in many ways. Firstly, the young poeple are more talented and more health-conscious than the adults. It gives the young generation the inspiration to work and be healthy and happy.

AI examiner evaluation

Task Achievement / Task Response: Band 3.5

The response addresses the task only partially, as it focuses heavily on general causes of mortality rather than providing a fully developed discussion on whether the advantages of a young-adult-heavy population outweigh the disadvantages. Furthermore, the length requirement is not met; the student's response contains 197 words, falling 53 words short of the 250-word minimum (9 words copied from the task prompt were not counted). Ideas remain limited and under-developed, such as the brief mention of talent and health-consciousness in the final paragraph without sufficient extension or supporting examples. To move to a higher band, the writer must fully address all parts of the prompt, ensure all ideas are extended and supported with relevant examples, and meet the minimum word count.

Coherence and Cohesion: Band 4.0

There is some basic organisation with paragraph breaks, but the response lacks clear overall progression. Paragraphs often start abruptly, and the logical link between ideas is frequently broken, such as the sudden shift from health issues in the first paragraph to population production in the second. Cohesive devices are used minimally and sometimes inaccurately, leading to a disjointed flow. For instance, transitional phrases like 'The other possible reason is' lack smooth integration with the preceding arguments. To improve, the writer needs to ensure a logical sequence of ideas from start to finish, use a wider range of cohesive devices accurately, and maintain clear referencing throughout the essay.

Lexical Resource: Band 5.0

The vocabulary used is limited but minimally adequate to convey basic points, such as 'young people', 'healthy life', and 'talented'. However, there are noticeable errors in word choice, collocation, and word form, such as 'overweighs' instead of 'outweighs', 'consious' instead of 'conscious', and 'increades' instead of 'increased'. These vocabulary errors and misspellings occasionally cause some difficulty for the reader. To achieve a higher band, the writer should build a broader lexical resource, experiment with less common academic vocabulary, and ensure correct spelling and word formation throughout the writing.

Grammatical Range and Accuracy: Band 5.0

The writer demonstrates a very limited range of structures, relying mostly on simple sentences with frequent errors. Attempts at more complex structures are often faulty, as seen in conditional and comparative patterns such as 'If the adults would have taken care of themselves...'. There are frequent errors in subject-verb agreement (e.g., 'the population... have large number', 'That are not beneficial to there health') and misuse of prepositions or articles. These frequent errors can cause difficulty for the reader. To progress, the writer needs to expand their grammatical toolkit, practice complex sentence structures with greater accuracy, and eliminate basic errors in agreement and punctuation.

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