Band 4.5 IELTS Writing Task 2 Model Answer

Overall Band Score: 4.5 · Cambridge IELTS 12 · 2026-10-11

IELTS Writing Task 2 question

At the present time, the population of some countries includes a relatively large number of young adults, compared with the number of older people.

Do the advantages of this situation outweigh the disadvantages?

Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Student answer (Band 4.5)

In my opinion, large number of young people is a essential thing rather than number of older individuals because young adults are vital for our nation critical task base activities.

On the one hand, large number of young adults, for any country is a crucial part for that country due to cultivation of any state of the world. We have many advantages of large number of young adults however here we describe one, the youth is very helpful for during any war between two countries. For a instance, Many countries have strong power behind them: their youth. Such as China milirity force is a very powerful force in the world through large number of youngster.

On the other hand, they are some older adults can play a very crucial role in your nation cultivations. Altough that types of citizes are very vital for our country. Some intelligent olders citizens have a many years of practical experience in our life.They can assists the state of your country in critical situation. The advantages of this situation outweigh the disadvantages because they are very helpful to nation's development.For a instence, i was read the theory of dr. abdul qadeer khan about item bomb.How do these different elements come together to demonstrate our nation's strength to the world?

In conclusion, advantages is greater than disadvantages of this situation.However youngters is very powerful strenght of any nation.At the present time, the population of some countries includes a relatively a relatively large number of young adults, compared with the number of older people."Nowadays, this situation applies perfectly to the advantages of young adults in the world."

AI examiner evaluation

Task Achievement / Task Response: Band 4.5

You give a clear overall view that the advantages outweigh the disadvantages, and you attempt to discuss both younger and older people. The points about young adults contributing to national strength and older citizens offering experience are relevant. However, the discussion is only partially developed: the war example is narrow, and the reference to Dr Abdul Qadeer Khan and the bomb is difficult to connect to the question or to your position. The conclusion repeats your view rather than drawing together the reasons. The response is 237 words, so it does not meet the 250-word minimum; 34 words copied from the prompt were not counted. To strengthen the response, explain broader effects such as workforce growth, innovation, or pressure on services, and support each with a clear example.

Coherence and Cohesion: Band 5.0

The response has an introduction, two body paragraphs signalled by “On the one hand” and “On the other hand,” and a conclusion, so there is a basic attempt to organise the discussion. However, the progression is difficult to follow because ideas within paragraphs are loosely connected and the position shifts: the second body paragraph discusses older people’s value, then claims the advantages outweigh the disadvantages without clearly identifying which side is being compared. Linking phrases such as “For a instance” and “Such as” are used awkwardly, and the final question about national strength interrupts the argument. Paragraphing is present, but cohesion is repetitive and sometimes unclear. Give each paragraph one main purpose, connect examples directly to its point, and use clear references such as “this contribution” or “these benefits.”

Lexical Resource: Band 4.5

You attempt topic-related vocabulary, including “practical experience,” “nation’s development,” and “critical situation,” and these choices show an effort to discuss national benefits. However, the range is limited and many word choices or collocations are inaccurate, which sometimes makes the meaning hard to understand. Examples include “critical task base activities,” “nation cultivations,” “milirity force,” and “youngters is very powerful strenght.” Spelling and word-form errors are also noticeable, including “Altough,” “citizes,” and “instence.” Aim for accurate, natural phrases rather than ambitious wording that does not fit the context. For example, describe young adults as “a large share of the workforce” and older people as “a source of valuable experience.”

Grammatical Range and Accuracy: Band 4.5

You attempt both simple statements and longer sentences, including “The advantages of this situation outweigh the disadvantages because they are very helpful to nation's development.” However, the range is limited, and frequent errors in sentence structure, agreement, articles, and verb forms can make the argument difficult to follow. Examples include “large number of young people is a essential thing,” “they are some older adults,” and “they can assists.” The sentence beginning “At the present time” is also repeated from the prompt and is not integrated smoothly into the conclusion. Practise building accurate basic sentences first, then add subordinate clauses with “because,” “although,” and “which.” Check singular/plural agreement, articles, and verb forms before submitting.

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