Band 5.0 IELTS Writing Task 2 Model Answer

Overall Band Score: 5.0 · Cambridge IELTS 12 · 2026-10-13

IELTS Writing Task 2 question

At the present time, the population of some countries includes a relatively large number of young adults, compared with the number of older people.

Do the advantages of this situation outweigh the disadvantages?

Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Student answer (Band 5.0)

The overall population of young people in some countries is increases day by day, as compared it with the population of older citizens. This increasing number is more beneficial for the economy of a country, in this essay, I will discuss the both sides before reaching a conclusion.

On the one hand, the increasing number of yound people provides a significant benefits. One major advantage is that they are beneficial for a country's economy. As adults are more active, they do dual jobs at a time, as a result they take part in increase the digit of economy, leading it to upwards trend. Another positive aspect is that they can create a peaceful environment as they have the qualities of compassion and humbleness. For instance, older people can not show patience in emergency condition while adults have better understanding to remain calm and confident. Furthermore, they can explore the world better than older ones in order to satisfy their curiosities.

Furthermore, the increasing number of adults had some notable drawbacks. One major disadvantage is that adults have their existing jobs while aduts are burden on family to fulfil their needs. As they need family support to grow up. For instance, in developing countries where they have no opportunity to do a part-time job, they have to focus on their studies, so they are solely dependant on their families.

To conclude, as this factor had several advantages as they are active, take part in several difficult activities. On the other hand, the drawbacks like, they are seeking the help of their parents in their adulthood can not be ignored. Overall, from my perspective the disadvantages outweigh the advantages in some way.

AI examiner evaluation

Task Achievement / Task Response: Band 5.0

You address both sides and give a final view, so the response is relevant to the question. However, the position is not consistently clear: the introduction says young people are “more beneficial,” while the conclusion says the disadvantages outweigh the advantages “in some way.” The supporting ideas are also limited or insufficiently explained. The economic benefit is asserted through “take part in increase the digit of economy,” but the mechanism is unclear, and the point about compassion and calmness is not convincingly linked to a larger young-adult population. The drawback focuses mainly on dependence on family, without weighing its significance against the benefits. State your position clearly from the introduction and develop fewer, more directly relevant reasons with specific explanation or examples.

Coherence and Cohesion: Band 5.5

The response has a recognisable introduction, two body paragraphs and a conclusion, and signposts such as “On the one hand,” “Furthermore” and “To conclude” help identify the stages of the argument. However, progression within paragraphs is uneven: the first body paragraph moves from economic activity to peacefulness and then exploration, without showing how these points connect or comparing their importance. “Furthermore” introduces the disadvantages, although it usually signals an additional point, so the shift is not clearly marked. Some references are also difficult to follow, particularly “they” in the discussion of adults, young people and older people. Use one clear topic sentence per paragraph, organise related explanations together, and choose linking expressions that accurately show contrast or addition.

Lexical Resource: Band 5.0

You attempt some topic-related vocabulary, including “population,” “economy,” “compassion,” “emergency condition” and “part-time job,” and the reader can generally identify the subject of each paragraph. However, the range is limited and several word choices or collocations are inaccurate enough to make ideas unclear, such as “increase the digit of economy,” “leading it to upwards trend” and “adults are burden on family.” There are also spelling errors, including “yound,” “aduts” and “dependant.” Aim for precise, natural phrases rather than combining words that do not fit together. Learning collocations such as “contribute to economic growth” and “depend on their families financially” would make your argument clearer and more appropriate for an academic essay.

Grammatical Range and Accuracy: Band 5.0

You attempt both simple and more complex sentences, including clauses beginning “As” and “while,” and the overall meaning is usually recoverable. However, errors are frequent, and complex constructions are often faulty. For example, “the population … is increases” combines incompatible verb forms, while “as compared it with” has an incorrect structure. There are also problems with agreement and articles in “a significant benefits” and “adults are burden on family,” as well as tense inconsistency in “the increasing number … had.” Some sentences join ideas with commas where a full stop or conjunction is needed. Practise accurate subject–verb agreement, verb forms and sentence boundaries, then build longer sentences from those reliable patterns.

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