Band 4.0 IELTS Writing Task 2 Model Answer

Overall Band Score: 4.0 · Cambridge IELTS 12 · 2026-10-16

IELTS Writing Task 2 question

At the present time, the population of some countries includes a relatively large number of young adults, compared with the number of older people.

Do the advantages of this situation outweigh the disadvantages?

Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Student answer (Band 4.0)

It is often observed that, the population of some countries includes a relatively large number of young adults , compare with the number of older people. the situation the has both advantage and disadvantages . in my opinion the advantage outweight the disadvantages.

The two commence with , the main advantage are the large number relatively large number in some countries because there was ate the good food and there are take care our health , if the relatively large number some countries in present time and there are the very simple person in our time . Secondaly andvantage are the there people in past time they are not eat the junk food and not drunk the alcahole drink , so relatively people large number in peresnt time compare to the young adult people.

On the second hand ,an ageing population creats several problems. Firstly , older people may need more medical care , which increqases pressure on hospital . Secondfaly the goverment has to spend more money on pension and healthcare . In addition , if there are fewer young workwers , businesses may face a shortage of workers. This can affects the country's economic growth.

In conclusion , althouh older people provide valuable experience and support to socity , I beleive the disadvantages of an ageing population outweigh the advantages because of incresing costs of healthcare and the shortages of young workers.

AI examiner evaluation

Task Achievement / Task Response: Band 3.5

You give a clear opinion in the introduction and conclusion, but the response does not adequately answer the question about whether a large proportion of young adults is advantageous. The second paragraph is difficult to interpret and discusses food, alcohol and health without clearly explaining how these points show benefits of having more young adults. The later paragraph instead focuses on an ageing population, so the argument shifts away from the situation in the prompt. The conclusion also says the disadvantages of an ageing population outweigh its advantages, which does not match your opening position about young adults. The response is 221 words, below the 250-word minimum; the 13 words copied from the prompt are not counted. Develop relevant reasons and examples, and keep your position consistent.

Coherence and Cohesion: Band 4.0

There is an attempt to organise the response into an introduction, body paragraphs and a conclusion, and signposts such as “Firstly,” “Secondfaly” and “In conclusion” show an effort to guide the reader. However, the progression is difficult to follow because the first body paragraph repeats ideas and does not clearly connect them to the question. The shift to “an ageing population” in the next paragraph also disrupts the argument, while the conclusion does not resolve the mismatch between the opening and later position. Some linking phrases, including “The two commence with” and “On the second hand,” are unclear or unsuitable. Use one paragraph for advantages and one for disadvantages, with each topic sentence and supporting detail clearly linked to the question.

Lexical Resource: Band 4.5

You attempt some topic-related vocabulary, including “medical care,” “pension,” “healthcare,” “shortage of workers” and “economic growth.” These phrases help communicate the later points about the costs of an ageing population. However, much of the earlier vocabulary is repetitive or unclear, as in “relatively large number” and “the very simple person,” and several word choices or spellings make the intended meaning hard to identify, such as “commence,” “alcahole” and “peresnt.” The response therefore has some useful topic language but limited precision and control. Build a bank of accurate terms for population structure and employment, and check spelling and collocations. For example, use “a high proportion of young adults” rather than repeating “relatively large number.”

Grammatical Range and Accuracy: Band 4.5

You attempt both simple and more extended sentence forms, including “Older people may need more medical care, which increases pressure on hospital” and “This can affects the country's economic growth.” The relative clause shows an effort to add information, and the later paragraph is generally easier to understand than the first. However, sentence construction and agreement are often inaccurate: “the situation the has” contains an unnecessary word, “there are take care” has an incorrect verb form, and “This can affects” uses the wrong form after a modal. Articles, plurals and punctuation are also inconsistent. These errors make several sentences difficult to follow. Practise building complete subject–verb sentences, especially after modal verbs, and proofread for agreement, articles and sentence boundaries.

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