Band 4.5 IELTS Writing Task 2 Model Answer

Overall Band Score: 4.5 · Cambridge IELTS 12 · 2026-10-16

IELTS Writing Task 2 question

At the present time, the population of some countries includes a relatively large number of young adults, compared with the number of older people.

Do the advantages of this situation outweigh the disadvantages?

Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Student answer (Band 4.5)

at the time the population of some countries haves young adults as comparetively to olders becuse there are more population in such countries we see the young peoples are more to older its a good thing to country becuse thats give country more success rate and education therefore people do there company work or make per capita high and help to grow there country thats makes enovation and growth workplace such as aa advantanges is like country growth and innovation and we also talk about disadvantages thats country faces an problems of unemployment and housing and land problems and peoples are make rush and crowd which also makes an traffic to the roads as we face problems of pollution more and accidents they gonna face as young people are young so they work more for there companys so the growth was good and fast and the other hand we also see unemployment peoples and road traffic also haves an rush in markets and shops and per capita of country is freeze youngs people young are makes there country more population and polluted

AI examiner evaluation

Task Achievement / Task Response: Band 4.0

You address the topic by mentioning possible benefits, such as “country growth and innovation,” and drawbacks including unemployment, housing pressure, traffic and pollution. However, the response does not clearly answer whether the advantages outweigh the disadvantages: it shifts between positive and negative points without stating a firm overall judgement. The ideas are also minimally explained; for example, you say young adults can help raise “per capita” and support companies, but do not explain how or provide a relevant example. The response is 182 words, below the required 250, so there is limited space to develop the argument. To improve, state your position in the introduction and conclusion, then explain and support each main point.

Coherence and Cohesion: Band 3.5

There is an attempt to cover both sides of the issue, and words such as “therefore,” “also” and “on the other hand” show an effort to connect ideas. However, the response is presented as one long, largely unpunctuated sequence, so the reader cannot easily distinguish an introduction, supporting paragraphs or a conclusion. Ideas also repeat or shift abruptly: growth and innovation are followed by unemployment, then traffic and pollution, without a clear progression or explanation of how the points relate. Some linking phrases do not establish a clear relationship between the ideas. Use separate paragraphs for your position, advantages and disadvantages, and conclusion; within each paragraph, develop one main idea in a logical order.

Lexical Resource: Band 5.0

You use some topic-related vocabulary, including “unemployment,” “housing,” “pollution,” “innovation” and “per capita,” which helps identify the subject of the essay. However, the range is limited and several expressions are repeated, particularly “country,” “young people” and “growth.” Some word choices or combinations are unclear, such as “per capita of country is freeze” and “make rush,” which make parts of the argument difficult to understand. Spelling and word-form errors, including “enovation” and “advantanges,” also reduce clarity. Build a more precise set of phrases for discussing demographic effects, and check spelling and collocations. For example, use “increase pressure on housing” rather than “housing and land problems.”

Grammatical Range and Accuracy: Band 4.5

The response mainly uses simple clauses joined together, with a few attempts to show cause or contrast through “therefore” and “on the other hand.” However, sentence structures are very limited, and frequent errors in verb forms, agreement, articles and sentence boundaries make meaning difficult to follow. Examples include “the population … haves young adults,” “thats give country,” and “young people … makes there country.” The long run-on sequence also lacks punctuation, obscuring the relationships between clauses. Practise writing short, complete sentences first, then combine related ideas using accurate conjunctions. Check subject–verb agreement and verb forms, and use full stops to separate each main point.

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