Band 5.0 IELTS Writing Task 2 Model Answer

Overall Band Score: 5.0 · Cambridge IELTS 12 · 2026-10-17

IELTS Writing Task 2 question

At the present time, the population of some countries includes a relatively large number of young adults, compared with the number of older people.

Do the advantages of this situation outweigh the disadvantages?

Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Student answer (Band 5.0)

Nowadays, the ratio of young men is more than older men in comparison in a few countries of the world. Youth is the real strength of notion or country for progress in every field of life. In ths essay, i will discuss the ratio and banifits of youth.

On the one hand, a few counties have have more houng individuals than older people as, in there countries can lead some diseases to aged people such as, depration, anxitey, diabeties due to these reasons percentage of eldest people is less than average. For instance, in some cultures chidren have permition to live serat from their parents, initialy it looks normal but when they become older they need of health care, attention and family for sharing their feelings and they do not have it can case of their death. An other exemple is that, offspring send their parents in old age homes it can also case their early death.

On the other hand, in context of succes of a country it deponds on youth completily as, they have new ideas, will power, strong body, better heath for working additionly newiy educated students also have scientific knowledge for applying in difficulties. For instance, a healty person can do more work in construction sites in the comparison of old age man. An other exemple is that a fresh educated student can slove problems with new techniques, theories it can be beneficial for both country and person.

In conclusion, young people are crucial for socity but, we also need to care elder individuals. I strongy agree with importance of aduts in consrat we can not forget others importance. Some times advices of more than averag age people chang life.

AI examiner evaluation

Task Achievement / Task Response: Band 5.0

You address the topic by discussing possible benefits of a young population, including new ideas, physical capacity and scientific knowledge, and you also mention the need to care for older people. However, the response does not clearly answer the key question of whether the advantages outweigh the disadvantages. The introduction says you will discuss the “ratio and banifits,” while the conclusion says young people are crucial but also stresses older people’s importance, leaving your overall judgement uncertain. The discussion of disadvantages focuses mainly on older people’s isolation and health, rather than clearly explaining how a larger young population creates disadvantages. To strengthen the response, state your position directly and develop relevant advantages and disadvantages with clearer explanations and examples.

Coherence and Cohesion: Band 5.5

The response has a recognisable structure, with an introduction, two body paragraphs signposted by “On the one hand” and “On the other hand,” and a conclusion. This helps readers identify the broad contrast between the two sides. However, progression within paragraphs is sometimes difficult to follow: the first body paragraph moves from population ratios to diseases and then to family care without clearly connecting these points. Linking phrases such as “For instance” and “An other exemple” are repeated, and some references, including “these reasons,” are unclear. The conclusion also introduces advice from older people without linking it clearly to the argument. Use clearer topic sentences and connect each example explicitly to the point it supports.

Lexical Resource: Band 4.5

You attempt vocabulary relevant to the topic, including “scientific knowledge,” “health care,” “construction sites,” and “new techniques.” These choices show an effort to discuss social and economic effects. However, the range is limited and frequent spelling and word-choice errors make parts of the response difficult to understand, for example “notion” for “nation,” “depration,” “anxitey,” and “completily.” Some phrases are also unnatural, such as “ratio of young men is more than older men in comparison” and “fresh educated student.” Aim to use accurate, natural collocations and check spelling carefully. Replacing repeated general terms such as “good” or “work” with precise topic vocabulary would also help express your ideas more clearly.

Grammatical Range and Accuracy: Band 5.0

You attempt both simple and more complex sentences, including clauses introduced by “as” and “when,” and you use paragraph-level transitions to organise the argument. However, complex sentences are often faulty, and errors in sentence construction, agreement, articles and punctuation frequently make meaning unclear. For example, “in there countries can lead some diseases to aged people” lacks a clear grammatical subject, while “they need of health care” has an incorrect sentence pattern. The conclusion’s “I strongly agree with importance of adults” also does not form a clear response to the question. Practise building complete sentences with a clear subject and verb, and check articles and clause boundaries. More accurate control of these patterns would make your ideas easier to follow.

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