Band 6.5 IELTS Writing Task 2 Model Answer

Overall Band Score: 6.5 · Cambridge IELTS 12 · 2026-10-17

IELTS Writing Task 2 question

At the present time, the population of some countries includes a relatively large number of young adults, compared with the number of older people.

Do the advantages of this situation outweigh the disadvantages?

Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Student answer (Band 6.5)

In recent years, there has been a significant increase in the population of young adults than senior citizens. While some people argue that this trend has a negative impact, I believe the advantages outweigh the drawbacks because young adults are at their productive stage and most older people need medical attention. This essay will discuss the reasons for my viewpoint.

One of the primary reason is that, most young adults are at their productive stage and they still have energy to do heavy work for their country. Consequently, they contribute to the development of a country. Unlike senior citizen who mostly are at their retirement stage. For instance, senior citizens may find it difficult to do manual work which can easily be done by a young adult. Therefore, having more young adult will translate to more development and all the age groups will benefit.

On the other hand, a number of older people have medical conditions which can be attributed to age. These conditions need treatment and proffessional care which will exacerbate government expenditure. Having senior citizens in numbers can cripple the already struggling economy of a country. For example, most senior citizens have medical conditions like diabetes and hypertension. Additionally, older people find it hard to do their day to day activities. They will need someone youthful to take care of them and government need to invest heavily on the wages of those responsible in care. Therefore, having more old people will have detrimental impact on government financies.

In conclusion, I strongly believe that having more young adults than senior citizens has a positive impact on the country's development and fiscal management.

AI examiner evaluation

Task Achievement / Task Response: Band 6.5

Your position is clear from the introduction: you believe the benefits of a younger population outweigh the drawbacks, and the conclusion restates this view. You address both sides by discussing young adults’ contribution to development and the costs associated with an ageing population. The examples of manual work, diabetes and hypertension make the points relevant. However, some ideas are more fully explained than others: the claim that young adults benefit all age groups is asserted rather than demonstrated, and the discussion of older people’s care needs focuses mainly on government costs. To strengthen the response, explain more precisely how a larger working-age population supports society, and acknowledge or qualify possible disadvantages such as pressure on jobs or education. This would make the comparison more fully developed.

Coherence and Cohesion: Band 6.5

The response has a clear overall structure, with an introduction, separate paragraphs for the main arguments, and a conclusion that returns to your position. The progression from the benefits of a younger population to the costs of an older one is easy to follow, and linking expressions such as “Consequently,” “For instance,” and “On the other hand” help signal relationships. At times, however, cohesion feels mechanical because several sentences begin with “Therefore,” and the contrast paragraph starts with a broad transition without directly weighing the two sides. The sentence beginning “Unlike senior citizen” is also a fragment, which interrupts the flow. Use a wider range of links and connect examples more explicitly to the central comparison to make progression smoother.

Lexical Resource: Band 6.0

You use an adequate range of topic vocabulary, including “productive stage,” “development,” “medical conditions,” “government expenditure,” and “fiscal management.” These choices make your main ideas clear, and some more formal expressions suit an academic essay. There are also several inaccurate or awkward choices that limit precision: “increase … than” is not the natural comparison, “heavy work” is vague, and “in numbers” does not clearly express the intended demographic point. Spelling errors such as “proffessional” and “financies” are noticeable, while “senior citizen” and “young adult” need consistent plural forms in context. Aim for more precise collocations and check spelling and word forms during revision; this would make the vocabulary more flexible and natural.

Grammatical Range and Accuracy: Band 6.0

You use a mix of simple and complex forms, including a subordinate clause in “because young adults are at their productive stage” and a relative clause in “which can be attributed to age.” Most of the argument remains understandable, but some errors in agreement, articles, and sentence construction reduce accuracy. For example, “One of the primary reason” should use a plural noun, and “most young adults … and they still have energy” is awkwardly joined after the introductory phrase. “Unlike senior citizen who mostly are at their retirement stage” is a sentence fragment, while “government need to invest” has a subject–verb agreement error. Practise checking each sentence for a complete main clause, consistent singular or plural forms, and correct agreement. Greater accuracy across these structures would strengthen the response.

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