Band 4.5 IELTS Writing Task 2 Model Answer

Overall Band Score: 4.5 · Cambridge IELTS 12 · 2026-10-19

IELTS Writing Task 2 question

At the present time, the population of some countries includes a relatively large number of young adults, compared with the number of older people.

Do the advantages of this situation outweigh the disadvantages?

Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Student answer (Band 4.5)

yes, the number of population increased in many countires , the young generation produces many childrends. This increased poplulation causes the advantage and disadvantages of many countires.

if i mention one country that is pakistan. In this country people reproduces many childrens eventhough they have no access of income are any other sources of earring. The poor people who have no money to spend luxury life they enjoy theirselves by reproducing childrens. so, in thid the population increased but the development of county decreased because when new generation has not avail job and study opportunities they csuse disadvanatage of country. on the othr hand, one main advantage for country is that if people have spirit of progress for theirselves as well as for their countires this pakistan has no need of any outsider talent.

conclusion.

as a citizen we should to overcome this increased poplulation. the government should impose limited rules and provide all facilties to people , then they can focus on the development of country.

AI examiner evaluation

Task Achievement / Task Response: Band 4.0

The response makes a relevant attempt to discuss the effects of a young population, using Pakistan as an example, and it gives a broad position that the situation can create disadvantages. However, it does not clearly answer whether the advantages outweigh the disadvantages: the conclusion shifts to population control rather than comparing the two sides. The advantage that Pakistan could rely on its own talent is mentioned but not explained or supported, while the discussion of unemployment and limited study opportunities is also brief. The response is 83 words below the required minimum, which leaves too little space to develop the argument. To improve, state your judgement directly and explain each side with specific consequences and examples.

Coherence and Cohesion: Band 4.5

There is a basic attempt to organise the response: the opening introduces population growth, the body refers to Pakistan, and phrases such as “on the other hand” signal a contrast. However, the progression is difficult to follow because the essay does not use clear, developed paragraphs, and the ideas move abruptly from poverty and childbirth to national development and then to government rules. The final “conclusion” does not clearly summarise the comparison or return to the question. Some linking is also mechanical, particularly the repeated use of “so” and “but.” Use separate paragraphs for the introduction, each side of the argument, and the conclusion, and connect each point with clear cause-and-effect links.

Lexical Resource: Band 4.5

The response uses some vocabulary relevant to the topic, including “development,” “job and study opportunities,” “outsider talent,” and “government.” This gives the reader a general sense of the intended argument. However, the range is basic and several spelling and word-choice errors make parts harder to understand, such as “countires,” “earring,” “thid,” and “disadvanatage.” Some expressions are also unnatural or imprecise, including “reproducing childrens” and “enjoy theirselves.” Aim to use accurate topic vocabulary and check spelling carefully. More precise phrases such as “a large working-age population,” “employment opportunities,” and “economic growth” would help express the ideas clearly and appropriately.

Grammatical Range and Accuracy: Band 4.5

The response attempts a few longer sentences, for example the sentence beginning “The poor people who have no money,” and uses a conditional structure in “if people have spirit of progress.” However, sentence forms are limited and errors occur frequently, sometimes making relationships between ideas unclear. Examples include “the young generation produces many childrends,” “people reproduces,” and “we should to overcome,” which show problems with agreement and verb patterns. Articles and sentence boundaries are also often missing or inaccurate, as in “the development of county decreased.” Practise building accurate simple sentences first, then combine them using clauses such as “because” and “although.” Check subject–verb agreement, verb forms, articles, and punctuation when editing.

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