Band 4.0 IELTS Writing Task 2 Model Answer

Overall Band Score: 4.0 · Cambridge IELTS 12 · 2026-10-19

IELTS Writing Task 2 question

At the present time, the population of some countries includes a relatively large number of young adults, compared with the number of older people.

Do the advantages of this situation outweigh the disadvantages?

Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Student answer (Band 4.0)

To commence, nowdays the population in world or some countries have uncountable amount include large number of adults and to the older is a diffirent reason,however some country is on facing this obstucls.

In summary to that quickly growing the population in world is main difficult, on the contrary some countries have decline of populations.The high amount to grow allover world population is good ,because is help to facing challenges,however tis is big problem to greater amount population countries.

In recent year is on advance tecnhology individual in many difficulties ,however was to be healthy and fit,at present have many tecnhology ,but people have many diseases,and on show the long ages person ,morever the individuals life very short and thuf,the majority is relaxing and boring.

The progress country to individuals hvave so hard working person and dont waste the time,and site to the family and to give more time in work,when today is occopation to do better the life and save the lovely body ,healthy body make a healthy brain ,to help us moving strougle.To illustrate in my country the pepole is extremly hard working and no waste the time to spent better life ,this method make better in every person life ,because life is excetional and give one time opportunity .

In conclusion in allover world have many country ,morever every country have own stratgy to diffirent other and the amount of young adults is diffirent to the amount of older people , in my point of view save life is save family and save country to progress in the world .

AI examiner evaluation

Task Achievement / Task Response: Band 3.5

The response makes a general attempt to discuss population differences and gives a personal example, but it does not clearly answer whether having more young adults than older people is advantageous overall. The opening refers to population growth and “some country” facing obstacles, while later paragraphs shift to technology, health, hard work and family life without explaining how these relate to the age balance. The conclusion says that young and older populations differ, but does not state whether the advantages outweigh the disadvantages. To strengthen the response, establish a direct position and develop relevant reasons on both sides—for example, how a larger working-age population may support the economy, alongside possible pressure on jobs or services—with clear explanations or examples.

Coherence and Cohesion: Band 3.5

There is an attempt to organise the response into paragraphs and to use linking expressions such as “In summary,” “however,” “To illustrate” and “In conclusion.” These signals show an awareness of how an essay can be structured. However, the progression between ideas is difficult to follow: the discussion moves from population growth to technology and disease, then to hard work and family life, without clear links to the question. Some connectors also suggest relationships that are not explained, and the conclusion does not follow from a developed argument. Give each paragraph one clear purpose, begin with a topic sentence, and use references and transitions only when the connection between ideas is explicit.

Lexical Resource: Band 4.5

The response attempts a range of topic-related vocabulary, including “population,” “technology,” “challenges,” “healthy,” “progress” and “opportunity.” This gives some indication of the intended subject matter. However, frequent spelling errors and inaccurate or unnatural word combinations make several ideas hard to understand, such as “uncountable amount,” “decline of populations,” “save the lovely body” and “life is exceptional and give one time opportunity.” Some words are repeated, particularly “country,” “life” and “people,” and vocabulary about age groups and their social or economic effects is limited. Build a more precise set of phrases for the topic and check spelling and collocations; for instance, use “a large proportion of young adults” and “the working-age population.”

Grammatical Range and Accuracy: Band 4.0

The writer attempts to form longer sentences and use contrast, as in “The high amount to grow allover world population is good, because is help to facing challenges, however…” This shows an effort to connect clauses, but sentence structures are often incomplete or difficult to interpret. Errors in verb forms and agreement occur in phrases such as “some country is on facing” and “the majority is relaxing,” while missing or incorrect articles and sentence boundaries also affect clarity. Most sentences do not yet show reliable control, and punctuation around clauses is inconsistent. Practise building accurate simple sentences first, then combine them with one clear subordinate or contrast clause, checking that each clause has a subject and a correctly formed verb.

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