Band 4.5 IELTS Writing Task 2 Model Answer

Overall Band Score: 4.5 · Cambridge IELTS 12 · 2026-10-19

IELTS Writing Task 2 question

At the present time, the population of some countries includes a relatively large number of young adults, compared with the number of older people.

Do the advantages of this situation outweigh the disadvantages?

Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Student answer (Band 4.5)

Nowadays, a considerable ratio of some countries includes large number of young adults as compared to the number of older people. I think the advantages doesn't outweigh the disadvantages because the population has more of young adults as compared to older people and the young adults are working more in corporate worlds because of better opportunities and people at the older age likes to relax.

The adavantages of young adults living in some countries is that they moved for work. A considerable amount of young adults decide to move for better work opportunities wheras, old people prefer to live in a more relax environment mainly close to where they have spent their life. For example, my younger sister and brother moved to another country for further education. Our parents still prefer to live here because they are comfortable where they have been living and don'yt want to relocate at this age.

This ratio also depends on how much people are relocating to other countries. Some people are forced to live without their families because of the certain restrictions from a country. For example, a friend of mine wanted to bring her mother to US, but because of the immigration laws she is unable to take her.

In conclusion, some countries do have a lot more population of young adults because of better opportunities in a specific country and the older people prefers to stay back at the country where they have spent their life.

AI examiner evaluation

Task Achievement / Task Response: Band 4.0

You give a clear opinion that the disadvantages outweigh the advantages, and you include relevant personal examples about younger relatives moving abroad and a friend unable to bring her mother to the US. However, the response only minimally answers the central question: it does not explain what the disadvantages are or compare them with the advantages of having many young adults. Much of the discussion describes why people relocate or remain in their home country, rather than evaluating the effects of an age imbalance on society. The opening also gives a confusing reason for your position. The response is 244 words, below the required 250. Develop a direct argument about consequences—for example, workforce benefits versus pressure on housing or care services—and support each point.

Coherence and Cohesion: Band 4.5

The response has an introduction, two body paragraphs and a conclusion, so the reader can identify its broad structure. Examples are placed near the points they illustrate, and phrases such as “For example” help signal them. However, progression is limited because the paragraphs focus on relocation rather than building a comparison of advantages and disadvantages. The link between the opening claim and the first body paragraph is also unclear: the claim concerns working in corporate settings, while the paragraph shifts to moving for work and older people’s preferences. The conclusion repeats the idea of relocation without resolving the question. Use topic sentences that state each argument, then connect examples explicitly to its effect on the country.

Lexical Resource: Band 5.0

You use some relevant vocabulary, including “work opportunities,” “immigration laws,” “relocate” and “comfortable,” which helps communicate the examples. The range is nevertheless limited and several phrases are inaccurate or unnatural, sometimes making the intended meaning harder to follow. For instance, “a considerable ratio” is not a natural way to describe a population share, and “a more relax environment” uses the wrong form and collocation. There are also spelling errors such as “adavantages,” “wheras” and “don'yt.” Aim for precise terms related to the task, such as “a youthful population,” “labour force” and “ageing population,” and check spelling and word forms carefully.

Grammatical Range and Accuracy: Band 5.0

You attempt both simple and more extended sentences, including a reason clause with “because” and a contrast between younger and older people. However, the range is limited, and errors occur frequently enough to make some sentences awkward or unclear. Examples include “the advantages doesn't outweigh,” where the subject and verb do not agree, and “the older people prefers,” which has the same agreement problem. Articles and sentence construction also need attention in “includes large number of young adults” and “because of the certain restrictions from a country.” Some punctuation around linking words is inaccurate, as in “wheras,” followed by a comma. Practise checking agreement, articles and clause boundaries, then use a wider range of accurate complex sentences.

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