Band 4.5 IELTS Writing Task 2 Model Answer

Overall Band Score: 4.5 · Cambridge IELTS 12 · 2026-10-20

IELTS Writing Task 2 question

At the present time, the population of some countries includes a relatively large number of young adults, compared with the number of older people.

Do the advantages of this situation outweigh the disadvantages?

Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Student answer (Band 4.5)

when we compare the population of relatively young adults wiyh older people first we talk about disadvantage young adults.

Fist of all when population incraesed in a country the government of that country face many chlllanges like , government should need to arrange shulter fro them then government should need to provide facilities to them like better education more affordable education and government should need to develope many schools , colleges and also universities , because when population increased government need to give equal rihts each and every one and better , equal opportunity for all so first step government should need to this.

the second is that government should need to provide them better helath institutes like hospitals in every where , any where , where people live and survive , for this step governmnet shpuld need to increase budget of health to oprn more hospitals and government should need to more doctors and nursese to hire in each hospital and also to need a rescue team and rescue ambulance so government should need to incarsee and and need to pay more salary many doctors , nurses and rescue taem , ans also bear other expenses .

When we talk about the advantage of population increase, our population increased so there was many young adults they have different ideas and from differnt cultures and areas and differnt relogion , they have ability to do something new , some of them become a good doctor and some become Professor , some become scientist .

AI examiner evaluation

Task Achievement / Task Response: Band 4.5

You identify disadvantages related to pressure on government services, especially education and healthcare, and you also mention a possible benefit: young adults may bring different ideas and become professionals. These points are relevant to the topic. However, the response does not clearly answer whether the advantages outweigh the disadvantages. The discussion of disadvantages dominates, while the advantage is only briefly listed and not explained with a specific example or consequence. The opening also shifts to population increase generally, rather than consistently comparing the number of young adults with older people. To strengthen the response, state your position clearly and develop both sides, explaining how a youthful population affects society and why one side is more significant overall.

Coherence and Cohesion: Band 4.5

The response has a basic sequence: it introduces disadvantages, gives education and healthcare as separate concerns, and then turns to advantages. Phrases such as “Fist of all,” “the second,” and “When we talk about the advantage” help signal this order. However, the ideas are not arranged into clear paragraphs, and the long blocks of text make the progression difficult to follow. Repeated use of “government should need to” also makes the links mechanical, while several points within the healthcare section are crowded together. Use a clear introduction, separate body paragraphs for each main side, and a conclusion that answers the question. Group related examples and use a wider range of linking and referencing expressions.

Lexical Resource: Band 4.5

You use some topic-related vocabulary, including “affordable education,” “hospitals,” “doctors,” “scientist,” and “different cultures.” This gives the reader a general sense of your ideas. However, the vocabulary is basic and highly repetitive, particularly “government,” “need,” and “provide,” and several spelling errors make the text harder to read, such as “chlllanges,” “helath,” and “differnt.” Some expressions are also imprecise or unnatural, including “population increased” and “a good doctor.” Build a more varied set of terms for public services and demographic effects, and check spelling carefully. More precise phrasing would help you explain the consequences of a large young-adult population rather than simply listing services and occupations.

Grammatical Range and Accuracy: Band 4.5

The response attempts to connect ideas in longer sentences using “when,” “because,” and “so,” but sentence structures are very limited and many are difficult to control. For example, “when population incraesed in a country the government of that country face many…” has problems with articles, tense, and subject–verb agreement. The repeated construction “government should need to” is also grammatically faulty; use “the government needs to” or “the government should.” Other sentences run together, with punctuation that does not clearly separate ideas. Practise accurate simple sentences first, then add controlled subordinate clauses. Check articles, plural forms, verb agreement, and sentence boundaries during revision so the reader can follow each point without having to interpret the intended structure.

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