Band 4.0 IELTS Writing Task 2 Model Answer

Overall Band Score: 4.0 · Cambridge IELTS 12 · 2026-10-20

IELTS Writing Task 2 question

At the present time, the population of some countries includes a relatively large number of young adults, compared with the number of older people.

Do the advantages of this situation outweigh the disadvantages?

Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Student answer (Band 4.0)

At the recent time,the population of few countries includes relatively large number of adults,youngs comperision with the number of population.

Most of the people held the view now atime the population of elder has increased although,the population of younger and adults has been decrease,i strongly agreed with the perspective,the essay will be discuss the logical reasons along with the real life examples to provide the clear understanding to the readers,

The primery reason is that the ages of the elder people was high. they have not enough disease,they tack care of their health.they get up early in the morning and finish their work with time,they have eat simple food. their work more physicallyand their sleeping was well.for example the disease have not presence.

Another compelling reason is perspective the new genration have fellen in many disease because the main reason is that they have found of spiceses but also they use of excessive mobile and they are not sleeping on time that why their reason is less sleeping,insufficent facailities to led better life. for instance, the youngs and adults age has been decrease.in conclusion,we should take steps the young and adults fad away the disease this step could rais their ages and less of mobile use they gain better health and overage.

AI examiner evaluation

Task Achievement / Task Response: Band 3.0

You attempt to discuss the effects of having more young adults than older people, and you include reasons and an example. However, the response does not clearly answer whether the advantages outweigh the disadvantages. The opening instead describes a different trend—an increase in older people—and the body focuses mainly on older people’s health and young people’s habits, rather than comparing the benefits and drawbacks of a youthful population. The position is also difficult to identify: “i strongly agreed” does not state which side you support. The response is 38 words below the required minimum, which further limits the development of your ideas. To improve, state your view directly and develop relevant points such as workforce growth, innovation, and pressure on jobs or services, with clear supporting examples.

Coherence and Cohesion: Band 4.0

There is an attempt at an essay structure: you provide an introduction, two body paragraphs beginning with “The primary reason” and “Another compelling reason,” and a conclusion. These markers help the reader recognise the stages of your response. However, the ideas do not progress clearly from the question to a comparison of advantages and disadvantages. The opening claims that the older population has increased, while the task describes countries with relatively more young adults. Connections between sentences are also unclear, particularly in the second body paragraph, where mobile-phone use, sleep, facilities, and disease are joined without explaining their relationship. Use one main idea per paragraph, connect each example explicitly to that idea, and make the conclusion answer the outweigh question.

Lexical Resource: Band 4.5

You attempt some topic-related vocabulary, including “population,” “generation,” “disease,” “physically,” and “facilities,” and phrases such as “another compelling reason” show an effort to vary expression. However, frequent spelling errors and inaccurate word choices make several ideas difficult to understand, for example “comperision,” “primery,” “fellen,” and “overage.” Some phrases are also unclear or unnatural, such as “they have not enough disease” and “found of spiceses.” This limits the precision needed to explain the effects of a young population. Build a reliable set of words for the topic—such as workforce, employment, economic growth, and public services—and check spelling and collocations. Prefer clear, accurate wording over ambitious phrases whose meaning is uncertain.

Grammatical Range and Accuracy: Band 4.5

You make some attempts to combine ideas, using clauses such as “because the main reason is that…” and “that why…,” as well as simple statements. However, sentence structures are often incomplete or joined inaccurately, and errors frequently obscure the intended meaning. For example, “the population of elder has increased although, the population of younger and adults has been decrease” has problems with articles, number, and verb form. In “the ages of the elder people was high,” the subject and verb do not agree. Punctuation and capitalisation are also inconsistent, including the run-on sequence in the first body paragraph. Practise accurate simple sentences first, then add subordinate clauses, checking subject–verb agreement, tense, articles, and sentence boundaries.

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