Band 4.5 IELTS Writing Task 2 Model Answer

Overall Band Score: 4.5 · Cambridge IELTS 12 · 2026-10-21

IELTS Writing Task 2 question

At the present time, the population of some countries includes a relatively large number of young adults, compared with the number of older people.

Do the advantages of this situation outweigh the disadvantages?

Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Student answer (Band 4.5)

The populations of some country increases day by day.There are also advatages and disadvantages of increasing population. First of all we discuss the disadvantages of increasing population. In the whole world several peoples are dying daily and also new childern are born at the rapid rate. The population of world incresing day by day. The requirements for food also increases. So the poor country faces the shportage of food and the have no food to eat so that a famines may occurs there. Their economy disturded badly as their population incrases day by day. They may also face the shelter problems and they cannot have resourses to fulfill their needs. The developed countrys uses the scientific tecniques for food production so that they could not face the difficulty of famines and any other problems.

There are also many advantages of increasing population day by day. In the developed countries the population increasing gave the opportunity to do more work. As there are more number of worker so that the income increases and the overall economy of the country rises. The undeveloped countries are also trying to increase their economy of their country by doing more works from their worker. A large number of young adults increases day by day so that we have gaining more opportunity to do work efficiently and increse their economy.

In japan the number of older people is more than the adults this is due to the atomic bomb. And after that the japan try his best to increase their economy. Japan focus on incresing the population so taht a large number of people can increase their economy. Increasing population is not bad thing.

AI examiner evaluation

Task Achievement / Task Response: Band 4.0

The response discusses disadvantages and advantages of population growth and gives a final view that it is “not bad,” so it makes an attempt to answer the question. However, the task is specifically about countries with a relatively large number of young adults compared with older people, and much of the essay instead addresses population growth in general, including food shortages and famine. The comparison between age groups is not clearly examined, and the conclusion does not explain whether the advantages outweigh the disadvantages. The points about workers and economic growth are relevant but remain broad and unsupported. To improve, state a direct position on the age imbalance and develop a few relevant reasons with specific explanations or examples.

Coherence and Cohesion: Band 4.5

The response has a basic overall structure: it introduces the topic, presents disadvantages, then advantages, and ends with a concluding statement. This helps the reader identify the broad direction of the discussion. However, progression within the paragraphs is often repetitive: population growth and economic effects are restated several times without adding a new step to the argument. Connectors such as “First of all,” “So,” and “There are also” provide some links, but relationships between claims are not always clear, and the Japan example appears abruptly. Paragraphing is present, though the final point would work better as a conclusion that directly weighs the two sides. Organise each paragraph around one clear claim and explain how each supporting point follows from it.

Lexical Resource: Band 4.5

The essay uses basic vocabulary relevant to population and economics, including “food,” “economy,” “workers,” and “shelter,” and the general meaning is usually recoverable. However, the range is limited and several words or phrases are repeated, especially “population,” “increases,” and “day by day.” There are also frequent spelling errors, such as “advatages,” “childern,” “shportage,” and “resourses,” alongside imprecise or unnatural combinations such as “more number of worker” and “doing more works.” These errors make the writing less clear and controlled. Build a more accurate set of topic-specific expressions and check spelling; for example, use “labour force” and “economic growth” where appropriate, while avoiding repetition through precise reference.

Grammatical Range and Accuracy: Band 4.5

The response mainly relies on simple statements and repeated “so that” clauses, with limited variety in sentence structures. Errors in agreement and verb forms occur frequently, as in “The requirements for food also increases,” “the population increasing gave,” and “a famines may occurs.” Articles and plural forms are also inconsistently controlled, and punctuation is often missing after sentence boundaries, as in the opening “day.There.” These problems sometimes make relationships between ideas difficult to follow, although the basic message can generally be understood. Practise accurate simple sentences first, especially subject–verb agreement and singular/plural forms, then add a small range of controlled complex structures using “because,” “while,” or “as a result.”

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