Band 5.0 IELTS Writing Task 2 Model Answer

Overall Band Score: 5.0 · Cambridge IELTS 12 · 2026-10-25

IELTS Writing Task 2 question

At the present time, the population of some countries includes a relatively large number of young adults, compared with the number of older people.

Do the advantages of this situation outweigh the disadvantages?

Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Student answer (Band 5.0)

Nowadays, young people are increased by compared older people young people is really benefical for countries. the population of some countries was increased rather than older people. this essay will discuss some advantages and give other drawbags and i will discuss my own view.

on the one hand, many countries are increase population there are some advantages firstly population is really crucial for government GDP its provide a countries great opportunities for example many person work on the companies and make material like chemicals, raw material,and government export these types of material other countries. secondaly young people work hard rather than old people young people work in salt mine, minerals mine, coal mine and other types of mines also its works in the field and produce crops furthermore youth can help all types of hard works it is really beneficial. i strongly belive young people is really important for countries.

On the other hand, their are some drawbags for countries like many young people in the country but in the country have no more job opportunites and it is create a disturbance for country. for example in the africa have no more jobs and young people after complete studies they search a job but their have none factories in the country it is really disturbing for countries survival their are main drawbaghs alot of young people in the poor country.

In conclusion, mostly youth in the countries their is a really beneficial for government and its provide a greate chance for country growth however some countries have no more factories and no more job opportunities this is a reason young people has a really enormous proplem for this types of countries.

AI examiner evaluation

Task Achievement / Task Response: Band 5.5

You address both sides of the question and give a clear overall preference for the advantages, especially in the opening and conclusion. Relevant points include young adults contributing to production and exports, and the difficulty of finding work where jobs and factories are scarce. However, the position is not consistently explained: the introduction says the essay will discuss advantages and disadvantages but does not clearly state whether the advantages outweigh the disadvantages until later. Several claims, such as young people being important for GDP and the example about Africa, are broad and need explanation or a specific supporting example. Develop the comparison by explaining why the economic contribution outweighs unemployment-related problems, while recognising when that conclusion may not apply.

Coherence and Cohesion: Band 5.5

The response has a recognisable structure, with an introduction, separate paragraphs for advantages and disadvantages, and a conclusion. This helps the reader identify the main sections of the argument. Within paragraphs, however, ideas are often joined in long strings, as in the advantages paragraph, where work in mines, farming, and production are added without clear explanation of how each supports the point. Linking phrases such as “on the one hand,” “on the other hand,” and “in conclusion” are useful, but the progression is sometimes mechanical, and references such as “it” and “their” are unclear. Use shorter, clearly punctuated sentences and organise each paragraph around one main idea followed by its explanation or example.

Lexical Resource: Band 5.0

You use some relevant topic vocabulary, including “GDP,” “job opportunities,” “export,” “factories,” and “crops,” so the reader can follow the general subject. However, the range is limited and several words or phrases are repeated, particularly “young people,” “countries,” and “really beneficial.” There are also noticeable spelling and word-choice errors, such as “drawbags,” “opportunites,” “proplem,” and “survival” where the intended meaning is unclear. Some combinations are unnatural, including “population is really crucial for government GDP” and “young people are increased.” Build a more precise range for discussing demographics and employment, and check spelling and collocations so that your ideas are expressed clearly and naturally.

Grammatical Range and Accuracy: Band 4.5

You attempt both simple statements and longer sentences, and you use some clauses to introduce examples and contrast. However, control is weak: errors in verb forms, agreement, articles, and sentence boundaries occur throughout and sometimes make the meaning difficult to follow. For example, “young people are increased by compared older people” has an incorrect verb construction, while “many countries are increase population” has an incorrect verb form and missing grammatical structure. The sentence beginning “for example in the africa” also runs into several ideas without clear punctuation. Practise accurate basic sentence patterns first, especially subject–verb agreement and present-tense forms, then add subordinate clauses. Use full stops to separate complete ideas and check articles and plural forms.

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