Band 4.5 IELTS Writing Task 2 Model Answer

Overall Band Score: 4.5 · Cambridge IELTS 12 · 2026-10-26

IELTS Writing Task 2 question

At the present time, the population of some countries includes a relatively large number of young adults, compared with the number of older people.

Do the advantages of this situation outweigh the disadvantages?

Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Student answer (Band 4.5)

The population means the numbers of poeples live at the area in the specific time period. At the present time the population of young adults is less in some countries and more in some countries than older poeples.

The population of young adults in some countries is more than the olders and this diferents have more advantages for a country for its growth in the all fields. For example the australia have more youngs poeple population as compared to olders. However this feature has many benefits for a country to grow fastly in the all perspectives like changes in the technology and way of working new mechines that easy to understand and run by youngs. On the other hands, the older poeples have less capability to manage these new way of working because they have many problems like dementia and fibromyalgia and these factors make them weak mentally and physically. The youngs adults have more energy and stimna for hard work and can do work in the long shifts.

Secondly.the increase in population has also some drwabacks like shortage of food, health problems and made a country economically weak. For example china is ha most populated country of

AI examiner evaluation

Task Achievement / Task Response: Band 4.0

You identify a relevant potential benefit—young adults can support technological change and work in demanding roles—and a possible drawback, including pressure on food and health services. However, the response only partially answers whether the advantages outweigh the disadvantages: the opening is contradictory, saying young-adult populations are both “less” and “more,” and the conclusion is missing, so your overall judgement is not established clearly. The examples about Australia and China are introduced but not explained or connected convincingly to the comparison. The response is also below the required 250 words, which limits how fully you can develop reasons and examples. State your position directly, then explain and support both sides before concluding which outweighs the other.

Coherence and Cohesion: Band 4.5

There is a basic attempt to organise the response: an opening, a paragraph discussing benefits, and a later shift to drawbacks. Connectors such as “For example,” “However,” and “Secondly” show an effort to guide the reader. However, progression is difficult to follow because the opening repeats the topic without establishing a clear argument, and the benefits paragraph moves between technology, older people’s health, and young adults’ stamina without clear links. “On the other hands” also introduces a contrast that is not fully explained. The final sentence is cut off, leaving the discussion unfinished. Use one paragraph for each side, make each paragraph’s main point explicit, and add a concluding paragraph that answers the question.

Lexical Resource: Band 5.0

You attempt vocabulary relevant to the topic, including “technology,” “dementia,” “economically weak,” and “shortage of food.” These choices show some ability to discuss population and social issues, but the range is limited and several inaccurate or repetitive expressions make parts of the response difficult to understand. Examples include “youngs poeple,” “the olders,” “fastly,” and “new mechines”; spelling and word-form problems are noticeable. Some phrases are also unnatural, such as “in the all perspectives” and “more energy and stimna.” Aim for accurate, natural collocations and avoid repeating “population” and “young” where a clearer alternative is available. Proofread spelling and word forms carefully.

Grammatical Range and Accuracy: Band 5.0

You make some attempts to combine ideas using longer sentences, for example the sentence beginning “However this feature has many benefits” and the explanation of older people’s difficulties. However, the range of sentence structures is limited, and attempts at complex sentences are often faulty. The opening, “The population means the numbers of poeples live at the area,” lacks a correctly formed relative clause and has problems with articles and agreement. Other examples include “the australia have” and “the older poeples have,” where subject–verb agreement and article use are inaccurate. Punctuation is also inconsistent, as in “Secondly.the increase.” Practise building accurate simple sentences first, then join related ideas with correctly punctuated clauses.

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