Band 5.0 IELTS Writing Task 2 Model Answer

Overall Band Score: 5.0 · Cambridge IELTS 12 · 2026-10-28

IELTS Writing Task 2 question

At the present time, the population of some countries includes a relatively large number of young adults, compared with the number of older people.

Do the advantages of this situation outweigh the disadvantages?

Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Student answer (Band 5.0)

In the contemporary era , the topic of more population of younger than elderly people is becoming a matter of considerable debate. Although , it offers several advantages . I believe that it's disadvantages are more significant.

One of the disadvantage which strikes in mind is related to lack of expercienced persons . For instance, when a person works in a company then his experience becomes as more as he works in the company. Even , they start their jobs in their 25s then their experience makes them more professional as long as they stay as we know "practice makes a man perfect". If elderly experienced person are not there then how companies will grow ? , who will teach the new one's? . That's why aliveness of older people is very important for a developing nations or for a developing company.

Furthermore, if young one's holding more water than olders then it causes. the fluctuations in the death rate of countries. To explain it in more detail, few years ago , a country's death rate was 75 , now it decreases into 65 that means in upcoming years it may at 55 after those years it may at 45 which is totally a red flag for a developing nation because if there public not living a long live then who will handle their country, their businesses then there will be nothing which may a n evidence for growing country.

In conclusion, it is clear that for a well maintained and rising nation it is necessary to maintain the death rate and try to save older people.

AI examiner evaluation

Task Achievement / Task Response: Band 4.5

You state a clear overall view—that the disadvantages are greater—and give two reasons: a shortage of experienced older people and a possible effect on national death rates. These points are relevant to the topic, but the response only partially develops the comparison required by the question. The opening says there are advantages but does not explain any, so the reader cannot weigh them against the disadvantages. The first point focuses on workplace mentoring, while the second makes an unclear connection between a younger population and falling death rates; the figures do not establish why this would be harmful. To strengthen the response, explain at least one genuine advantage, then develop each disadvantage with a clear cause-and-effect explanation and a relevant example.

Coherence and Cohesion: Band 5.0

The response has a recognisable structure: an introduction, two body paragraphs signalled by “For instance” and “Furthermore,” and a conclusion. This gives the reader some organisation, and the main position is repeated at the end. However, progression within paragraphs is difficult to follow, particularly in the second body paragraph, where the sequence of death-rate figures does not clearly support the point. Some linking is mechanical or inaccurate, such as “Even” and “That's why,” and the conclusion introduces the idea of saving older people without clearly drawing together the earlier reasoning. Use topic sentences that state each argument, then connect explanation and example explicitly; ensure pronouns such as “they” and “their” have clear references.

Lexical Resource: Band 4.5

You attempt some topic-related vocabulary, including “experienced persons,” “death rate,” “developing nation,” and “professional,” and phrases such as “matter of considerable debate” show an effort to use a more formal register. However, the range is limited and several word choices or collocations make the meaning unclear: “more population of younger,” “holding more water,” and “aliveness of older people” do not express the intended ideas naturally. There are also noticeable spelling and word-form errors, including “expercienced,” “olders,” and “nations” where a singular form is needed. Build a bank of accurate phrases for population structure and employment, and check whether each expression conveys your intended meaning in context.

Grammatical Range and Accuracy: Band 5.0

You attempt both simple and longer sentence forms, including conditional and subordinate clauses such as “If elderly experienced person are not there then how companies will grow?” and “because if there public not living a long live…”. However, complex constructions are often faulty, and errors in agreement, articles, and sentence boundaries sometimes make the argument hard to follow. For example, “One of the disadvantage” needs a plural noun, while “if their public not living” lacks a correctly formed verb phrase. Several sentences also contain comma splices or misplaced punctuation, such as the question followed by “That's why” and the fragment “Furthermore… then it causes.” Practise building accurate clauses first, then combine them, checking subject–verb agreement and punctuation.

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