Band 4.5 IELTS Writing Task 2 Model Answer

Overall Band Score: 4.5 · Cambridge IELTS 12 · 2026-10-29

IELTS Writing Task 2 question

At the present time, the population of some countries includes a relatively large number of young adults, compared with the number of older people.

Do the advantages of this situation outweigh the disadvantages?

Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Student answer (Band 4.5)

nowadays community has become very significant for some countries due to fact off youth compared with seniour citizen however both pros and cons to do this in this essay i will disscus some of reasons why benifits and drawbacks people are availble in many countries because he earn lot off money

lets begin by looking at advantages in all humans its many benifits like buissens extand in all company and he work hard for better future and keep happy family so its the major affect to younger generations to imgination about older due to fact of elder humans not active at a time due to much age so teenagers are very crusial in modern era

on the other side more pros of youth he is build up him future and also maintaine our country and work in day tewelve hours so its prode moment for all countries compared to elder citizen

turning to the drawbacks when its benifits so effects are compulsory so i will disscus in my opinion its only one effect is keep rush and more poppulation and getthering its the major drawback nowadays pupils and teenagers are much compared to older so its also effective thing

another issue is that less respect to older people developed the younger if only need money so its focus on paper curency its also drawback

in conclusion some pros and cons you neend to way up the dvantaes that earn lot of money and marraige and problem is older people dont work hard

AI examiner evaluation

Task Achievement / Task Response: Band 4.0

The response recognises that the topic involves both benefits and drawbacks, and it attempts to discuss each side. However, the task asks you to decide whether the advantages outweigh the disadvantages, and your position is not clearly stated or supported. Ideas such as young people working hard and helping businesses are relevant, but they are difficult to follow and are not explained with specific reasoning or examples. The drawbacks—crowding and reduced respect for older people—are also mentioned briefly without showing how they relate to a youthful population. The conclusion refers to weighing the sides but does not give a clear judgement. State your view directly, then develop two or three relevant points with explanations and examples.

Coherence and Cohesion: Band 4.5

There is an attempt to organise the response into an introduction, advantages, drawbacks and a conclusion. Phrases such as “on the other side” and “turning to the drawbacks” signal changes in direction, so the reader can identify the intended sections. However, progression within paragraphs is difficult to follow: several ideas are joined together without clear links, and the opening sentence does not establish a coherent argument. Some references, including “he” and “its,” have unclear meanings, while repeated transitions do not explain how one point leads to the next. Use one main idea per paragraph, connect each explanation explicitly to that idea, and make the conclusion summarise a clear position.

Lexical Resource: Band 4.5

The response attempts topic-related vocabulary, including “population,” “younger generations,” “older people,” “drawback” and “currency.” These choices show an effort to discuss the subject rather than relying entirely on general language. However, the vocabulary is basic and often repetitive, and frequent spelling errors make parts difficult to understand, for example “seniour,” “disscus,” “benifits” and “poppulation.” Some phrases are also unnatural or unclear, such as “more pros of youth” and “paper curency.” Build a reliable set of accurate expressions for this topic and check spelling carefully. Prefer precise phrases such as “a larger working-age population” and “pressure on public services” where they fit your meaning.

Grammatical Range and Accuracy: Band 4.5

You attempt to form longer sentences and use clauses, for example “when its benifits so effects are compulsory,” but the relationships between clauses are often unclear. Sentence boundaries and punctuation are frequently missing, and basic patterns with articles, agreement and verb forms are not controlled consistently. For instance, “community has become very significant” lacks a clear grammatical subject for the intended meaning, while “he work hard” and “older people dont work hard” show problems with subject–verb agreement and sentence construction. These errors often make the intended point difficult to understand. Practise writing short, complete sentences first, then combine them with accurate conjunctions and check each sentence for a subject and a correctly formed verb.

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