Band 5.0 IELTS Writing Task 2 Model Answer

Overall Band Score: 5.0 · Cambridge IELTS 12 · 2026-10-30

IELTS Writing Task 2 question

At the present time, the population of some countries includes a relatively large number of young adults, compared with the number of older people.

Do the advantages of this situation outweigh the disadvantages?

Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Student answer (Band 5.0)

These days, there is an issue about the total number of young adults right now is relatively larger than the older people has become a matter of public debate. While some people worry that this trend has negative impacts, I personally think that this situation outweigh the disadvantages.

First of all, there are reasons of why this situation happened. The main reason is before my generation, older people did not have the knowledge of a clean environment and healthy food. As a result, older people tend to be sick and did not know what happened. For example, my grandma were sick all the time before she died. She did not tell us she is sick, that is because the lack of knowledge. I remember, she told me back then the reason she is hospitalised because she did not know that she is sick because it is already happening for a long time. In contrast, young people get education from school and aware of their own body. Therefore, that is one of the reason why the number of older people are decreasing.

Furthermore, another important point to consider is that the existence of social media and internet. Initially, the existence of internet and socil media is found just recently. Older generation, on the other hand, are not able to access internet and social media because of they are not good wih technology. By contrast, younger generation has been always living together with internet and phone. The benefit of this situation is that they aware of what is healthy and when is the right time to go to the doctor. Consequently, it becomes clear that this trend is highly advantageous.

In conclusion, because the lack of knowledge, and not very good at technology. The popukation of young adults is more than older people. From this, young adults can live longer than older people because they are aware of health issue because of the exposure from internet and digital media.

AI examiner evaluation

Task Achievement / Task Response: Band 4.5

You state a clear view in the introduction—that the situation is advantageous—and return to this position in the conclusion. However, the response only partly answers whether the advantages outweigh the disadvantages: most of the body explains why there may be more young adults, rather than comparing the benefits and drawbacks of that age structure. The claims that older people lacked health knowledge and that young people are healthier because of internet access are not sufficiently connected to the question, and the personal example about your grandmother does not establish a wider population trend. To strengthen the response, discuss direct consequences of a younger population, such as a larger workforce or pressure on employment and housing, then explain why one side is more significant.

Coherence and Cohesion: Band 4.5

The response has an introduction, two body paragraphs and a conclusion, and signposting such as “First of all,” “Furthermore” and “In conclusion” makes the paragraph roles visible. However, the overall progression is difficult to follow because the body paragraphs focus on causes of the age distribution and health awareness rather than developing a comparison of advantages and disadvantages. Some links are also unclear: “Therefore, that is one of the reason why the number of older people are decreasing” does not clearly follow from the preceding example, and the conclusion repeats the health-awareness point instead of summarising a balanced argument. Build each paragraph around one direct consequence, and use linking phrases to show how evidence supports your position rather than relying mainly on sequence markers.

Lexical Resource: Band 5.0

You use some topic-related vocabulary, including “older generation,” “healthy food,” “technology,” and “digital media,” and the main ideas are generally understandable. However, the range is limited and several word choices or collocations are inaccurate or repetitive, which sometimes makes the meaning less clear. For example, “the existence of social media and internet” is an awkward way to introduce the point, while “not good wih technology” is informal and imprecise. There are also spelling errors such as “socil” and “popukation.” Aim for more precise terms connected to the task, such as “age structure,” “working-age population,” and “health awareness,” and check spelling and natural word combinations during revision.

Grammatical Range and Accuracy: Band 5.0

You attempt a mixture of simple and longer sentences, using clauses introduced by “while,” “because” and “that,” so there is some variety. However, complex sentences are often faulty, and errors occur frequently enough to make parts of the response difficult to read. Examples include “the total number of young adults … is relatively larger than the older people has become,” “my grandma were sick,” and “one of the reason why the number of older people are decreasing.” The conclusion also begins with an incomplete sentence: “because the lack of knowledge, and not very good at technology.” Work on subject–verb agreement, articles, verb forms and complete sentence structure. Separating long ideas into shorter, correctly formed sentences will improve clarity while you build control of complex forms.

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