Band 4.5 IELTS Writing Task 2 Model Answer

Overall Band Score: 4.5 · Cambridge IELTS 12 · 2026-10-31

IELTS Writing Task 2 question

At the present time, the population of some countries includes a relatively large number of young adults, compared with the number of older people.

Do the advantages of this situation outweigh the disadvantages?

Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Student answer (Band 4.5)

This days the population of the countries has been reduest several number of younters have nemarest facillity. while we comparing with old people they sepend time with they families.

It has pros and cons it comparing with old people who spend time with they families but young ones have the education facilies and jobs

on the other hand, the young people has the several benifits as compare to the old people .

Therefore young people has the job facility it is significant for the young people,for instance the economic income has been rose they plan for they beteer futures.futhermore the old people they retirment of they job so they get the salary from the governement .moreover they spend time with they families, however it has the importance for both genration.

since it has drawback first of all the young people get the dificaltiy in they job ,old people they get problem in they families live. however they both get chalanging ,but the young people give the interview it is the dificalt to crack the interview if they get the job some workingdays they mide feld dificaltiy in work load eventhough for the new what the salary they mide be acpect to thatey they did not better pay.moreover the old people get bore in they house when they retirment after the reterment they they mide flid difficlatiy i setting at one place the work preser is all so not there .

Overall, when we compare with young people and old people it has it own essential role ,it has it own benifits and drawback the young people spend time in going job for they better future futermore it has challing in worklog and spend significant moment with they family . moreover old people spending time with they family after they retirement.

AI examiner evaluation

Task Achievement / Task Response: Band 4.5

You make a relevant attempt to discuss both younger and older people, mentioning employment, income, retirement and family life. However, the response does not clearly answer the central question of whether the advantages outweigh the disadvantages. The opening is difficult to interpret, and the conclusion says that both age groups have benefits and drawbacks without stating which side is stronger. Several points are also only briefly mentioned: for example, young people may struggle in interviews or face heavy workloads, but the effects of these difficulties are not explained. To strengthen the response, state your position clearly in the introduction, develop a few relevant reasons with specific explanations or examples, and return to that judgement in the conclusion.

Coherence and Cohesion: Band 4.0

There is an attempt to organise the response into an opening, discussion and conclusion, and linking expressions such as “on the other hand,” “therefore” and “moreover” show an effort to connect ideas. However, the progression is difficult to follow because points shift between age groups and advantages and disadvantages without a clear sequence. Some links do not show the relationship between ideas, and the repeated use of “moreover” and “however” makes the connections feel mechanical. Paragraphing is also not used consistently to separate the main arguments. Organise the essay around a clear position, with one paragraph for the main advantages and another for disadvantages, and use references and linking phrases only where their relationship is clear.

Lexical Resource: Band 4.5

You attempt vocabulary relevant to the topic, including “economic income,” “retirement,” “work load” and “future,” so the reader can identify some of your intended ideas. However, the range is basic and repetitive, and frequent spelling errors or inaccurate word choices strain understanding. Examples include “younters,” “facillity,” “benifits” and “challenging”; phrases such as “the economic income has been rose” and “old people get bore” are also not natural expressions. Build a reliable set of topic vocabulary and check spelling and collocations carefully. More precise alternatives would help you explain employment, financial security and the challenges of ageing without relying on repeated general words such as “problem” and “difficulty.”

Grammatical Range and Accuracy: Band 4.5

You try to form longer sentences and use clauses with “while,” “since” and “if,” but control of sentence structure is limited. Errors in agreement and verb forms occur repeatedly, as in “young people has” and “the economic income has been rose.” Pronouns and possessives are also often unclear or incorrect, including “they families” and “they better future,” while missing or misplaced punctuation makes some sentences run together. These problems sometimes make the intended meaning difficult to follow. Practise accurate simple sentences first, especially subject–verb agreement, possessive forms and past or present verb patterns, then combine ideas using one clear subordinate clause at a time.

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