Band 4.5 IELTS Writing Task 2 Model Answer

Overall Band Score: 4.5 · Cambridge IELTS 12 · 2026-11-02

IELTS Writing Task 2 question

At the present time, the population of some countries includes a relatively large number of young adults, compared with the number of older people.

Do the advantages of this situation outweigh the disadvantages?

Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Student answer (Band 4.5)

Nowadays,adults population is increasing frequently vanevery country.The population of adults is more than old individuals.In my perspective, the advantages are greater than disadvantages.

Firstly,it has a positive impact at society.If the population of adults will grow,adults can facilitate the society as well as their country.Most of the adults are contributing in the country.They work in differet sectors transport , education sectors,hospitals,resturants and others because its the need of every powerful nation.For instance, In transport , government demand young individuals because transportation is very hard work.Therefore prefer for young people.Moreover,educational sectors as well as hospitals because very country need fast works.Furthermore, army demand is very common. They choose young people instead of old people.

Secondly,there is a lot of care sectors for old individuals.Every time they need adults for old people.Therefore young people are faclitating individuals by performing their hard jobs.Moreover, police always prefer adults as well as youg person because it is very tough duty to follow the criminals.Therefore,they always prefer yound and adults. youngsters are also performing hard duties like pilot.These jobs are difficult for old people.youngster play a crusial role to support their country economy.

In conclusion,adults play an important role to support their economy.The advan

AI examiner evaluation

Task Achievement / Task Response: Band 4.0

You give a clear overall position—“the advantages are greater than disadvantages”—and offer relevant points about young adults working in transport, education, healthcare, the army and policing. However, the response addresses the question only partially: it mainly lists ways young people can contribute and does not explain the disadvantages or compare them with the benefits. Several examples are asserted rather than developed, such as the claim that transport work is “very hard” and therefore suited to young people. The conclusion is also cut off after “The advan,” leaving the argument unfinished. In addition, the response is 52 words below the required minimum. To improve, discuss at least one disadvantage, explain why your benefits outweigh it, and complete the conclusion with a reasoned summary.

Coherence and Cohesion: Band 4.5

The response has a basic structure: an introduction, two body paragraphs signalled by “Firstly” and “Secondly,” and an attempted conclusion. These markers help the reader identify the main sections. However, progression within the paragraphs is weak because examples are added one after another without clearly explaining how they support the central comparison. Connectors such as “Moreover,” “Furthermore,” and “Therefore” are repeated and sometimes do not show a clear logical relationship. The second paragraph shifts between caring for older people, police work and piloting, so its main focus becomes difficult to follow. The unfinished conclusion also prevents the essay from reaching a clear ending. Group related examples, use referencing more clearly, and make each paragraph develop one main point.

Lexical Resource: Band 5.0

You use some topic-related vocabulary, including “transportation,” “education sectors,” “army,” “police,” and “economy,” which makes the general subject understandable. There are also attempts at more specific expressions such as “hard duties” and “crucial role.” However, the range is limited and several word choices, collocations and spellings are inaccurate or repetitive, sometimes making the intended meaning harder to follow. Examples include “adults population,” “facilitating individuals,” “fast works,” and “crusial.” The repeated use of “adults” also obscures the distinction between young adults and older people. Build a more precise vocabulary for employment and demographic effects, and check spelling and natural word combinations. For example, use “young workforce” and “support older people” where appropriate.

Grammatical Range and Accuracy: Band 5.0

You attempt both simple statements and conditional or subordinate structures, as in “If the population of adults will grow” and “because it is very tough duty.” This shows an effort to vary sentence forms, but the range remains limited and complex attempts are often inaccurate. Verb forms and agreement are problematic in examples such as “If … will grow” and “government demand young individuals”; articles are missing in “it is very tough duty.” Sentence boundaries and punctuation are also inconsistent, with many clauses joined or separated awkwardly. These errors can make relationships between ideas difficult to understand. Practise accurate conditional forms, subject–verb agreement and article use, then punctuate each complete sentence clearly. Shorter, controlled sentences would help you communicate your points more reliably.

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