Band 4.5 IELTS Writing Task 2 Model Answer

Overall Band Score: 4.5 · Cambridge IELTS 12 · 2026-11-03

IELTS Writing Task 2 question

At the present time, the population of some countries includes a relatively large number of young adults, compared with the number of older people.

Do the advantages of this situation outweigh the disadvantages?

Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Student answer (Band 4.5)

During now a days the population of many countries includes a relatively large number of young adults as we compared with the number of olders people .During these days we see that the adults people are too much in many countries reather then the older peoples.

Old peoples are growing more old and they have to fight with too many madical problem then we can not find in in towns and cities

on the other hand the young adults are too much active with their activities

Young people have to play they also should have to maintain their physical health

There are also too much advantages of young people in countries

young people are the stars of the nation they grom the nation aslo do too many things for thier country reather then when a person is become old he have to face too much medical issues then he will not able to do much work he will not full active in his daily activities

Nation always need young and active people to save the nation

such as young adults have too much opportunites to do for their nation such as Army always need young people to duty in army job and aslo in many countries young adults are serving for their countries

the population of the young adults are growing reather then the old people because the young adults are active in their daily life they make their physical fit ness and aslo protect their body from the bad things or bad activities

AI examiner evaluation

Task Achievement / Task Response: Band 4.0

You do express a general preference for a younger population, especially when you say young people “grom the nation” and that nations need them to serve in the army. However, the response does not clearly weigh the advantages against the disadvantages or develop a sustained answer to “Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?” The discussion of older people focuses mainly on medical problems, while the benefits of a young population are asserted rather than explained with specific, relevant examples. The response also falls five words short of the 250-word minimum; the nine words copied from the task prompt were not counted. To improve, state your position directly in the introduction, compare both sides, and extend each main point with a clear explanation or example.

Coherence and Cohesion: Band 4.0

There is a basic attempt to move from disadvantages to advantages, signalled by “on the other hand,” and several ideas relate to the topic. However, the information is not arranged coherently: the response has no clear paragraph structure, and ideas such as physical health, national service, older people’s medical needs, and population growth are repeated or introduced without a clear connection. The opening repeats the prompt rather than establishing a line of argument, while the final sentence does not provide a clear conclusion. Some links, including “such as,” do not clearly show how the example supports the point. Organise the essay into an introduction, separate body paragraphs for each side, and a conclusion, using clear links between claims and supporting explanations.

Lexical Resource: Band 4.5

You use a small set of relevant topic words, including “young adults,” “nation,” “active,” and “medical,” so the general subject can be understood. However, vocabulary is basic and repetitive, and frequent spelling and word-choice errors sometimes strain the reader: examples include “olders people,” “madical problem,” “reather,” and “opportunites.” Several phrases are also unnatural, such as “too much active” and “save the nation,” which make your intended meaning less precise. Build a wider range of accurate expressions for discussing population and employment, and check spelling and collocations carefully. For instance, use “a large proportion of young adults,” “health problems,” and “contribute to the country” where appropriate.

Grammatical Range and Accuracy: Band 4.5

The response mainly uses simple statements and makes some attempts to join ideas, for example with “because” and “when.” However, the range of sentence structures is very limited, and frequent errors in sentence formation, agreement, verb forms, articles, and punctuation can distort meaning. Examples include “the adults people are too much,” “he have to face,” and “he will not able to do much work.” Several sentences run together without full stops, while others are fragments, such as “Old peoples are growing more old…” followed by an unclear clause. Practise building complete sentences with a clear subject and verb, and check agreement and auxiliary verbs. Then combine related ideas using accurate clauses rather than joining many points in one long sentence.

See this exact question answered at other band scores. The same prompt compared across bands.

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