Band 4.5 IELTS Writing Task 2 Model Answer

Overall Band Score: 4.5 · Cambridge IELTS 12 · 2026-11-05

IELTS Writing Task 2 question

At the present time, the population of some countries includes a relatively large number of young adults, compared with the number of older people.

Do the advantages of this situation outweigh the disadvantages?

Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Student answer (Band 4.5)

It is believed by a few individuals that in some countries a large number of young adults are more as compared with number of older people. This essay will discuss why I believe the disadvantages are more and give my own point of view.

Nowadays, the population of young adults are increased as compared to older population. It has several reasons for increasing in a large number of young adults. The main reason is that many parents do the child marriage and as soon as they do marriage of their children, no doubt the population will be increased. Moreover, there are many types of diseases are on the increase so the older people can easily get on the touch on the of the diseases. Apart from this, many children do not take proper care of their parents and they cannot take balanced diet which lose the ability of them to live longer lives.

What is more, I believe that the disadvantages are more than advantages. Firstly, if the population of young adults are more so the financial problems are also increase because parents have to invest for children's secondary education, graduates and then parents have to save money for future of their children. Children demand more as compared with older people. Furthermore, parents have to find more comfortable house for their children because they do not adjust as older people.

In addition, I believe that it has more disadvan

AI examiner evaluation

Task Achievement / Task Response: Band 4.0

You state a position—that the disadvantages outweigh the advantages—and give reasons related to family costs and housing. However, the response addresses the question only partially: it does not explain the advantages of a youthful population or compare them with the disadvantages. The opening promises to discuss your view, but the body mainly gives claims about why young adults are more numerous, rather than explaining the effects of this age structure. For example, the points about child marriage and older people’s health do not clearly establish why having more young adults is harmful. The final paragraph is cut off, so the argument and conclusion are incomplete. The response is also 11 words below the required minimum. Develop relevant effects on society and support your position with specific examples.

Coherence and Cohesion: Band 4.5

There is some basic organisation: an introduction is followed by body paragraphs, and linking expressions such as “Moreover,” “Firstly,” and “Furthermore” signal additions. However, the progression is difficult to follow because the first body paragraph shifts between causes of population growth and reasons older people may die sooner, without connecting these points clearly to the question. The next paragraph introduces financial costs, but the relationship between these costs and a larger young-adult population needs clearer explanation. Repeated phrases such as “I believe” and “the population of young adults” make the writing feel repetitive. The final paragraph begins “In addition” but ends mid-sentence, leaving the response without a complete ending. Organise each paragraph around one relevant effect and use clearer links between claims and explanations.

Lexical Resource: Band 5.0

Your vocabulary is sufficient to communicate a few central ideas, including “financial problems,” “secondary education,” and “balanced diet.” However, the range is limited and several word choices or combinations are unnatural, which sometimes makes the intended meaning difficult to understand. For instance, “do the child marriage” and “get on the touch on the of the diseases” are not clear expressions, while “more comfortable house” does not precisely explain the housing issue. The repeated use of “population,” “children,” and “older people” also limits variety. Aim to use accurate phrases for demographic trends and their social or economic effects, and check that each expression fits its context. More precise vocabulary would make your reasons easier to follow.

Grammatical Range and Accuracy: Band 5.0

You attempt both simple and more extended sentences, using clauses introduced by “because,” “if,” and “as soon as.” However, the range is limited, and errors occur frequently, sometimes making relationships between ideas unclear. Examples include “the population of young adults are increased,” where the subject and verb do not agree and the verb form is unsuitable, and “there are many types of diseases are on the increase,” which combines two sentence patterns incorrectly. In “parents have to invest for children's secondary education,” the grammatical pattern after “invest” is faulty. The final sentence is incomplete, and the opening paragraph also has awkward sentence construction. Practise building accurate subject–verb patterns and complete sentences before adding more complex clauses.

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