Band 6.0 IELTS Writing Task 2 Model Answer

Overall Band Score: 6.0 · Cambridge IELTS 12 · 2026-09-25

IELTS Writing Task 2 question

Some people believe that allowing children to make their own choices on everyday matters (such as food, clothes and entertainment) is likely to result in a society of individuals who only think about their own wishes. Other people believe that it is important for children to make decisions about matters that affect them.

Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Student answer (Band 6.0)

The statement that,"Children should be allowed to make their own choices." is a heavily nuanced issue. While providing choice fosters independence, I firmly believe that excessive freedom can negatively impact a child's development.

Furthermore, lack of restriction results in stunted development of children, which is one of the primary reasons for these kids to grow up to be selfish individuals. Such individuals tend to prioritize personal pleasure above all else, which ultimately strains their relationships with others. This may not only separate them from society, but also cause them to grow into socially inept individuals.

Additionally, numerous studies support the argument that excess of freedoms results in abundance of options and choices, which inevitably leads to confusion and hindered development. This phenomenon was most famously described by Barry Shwartz in his book "Paradox Of Choice:Why More Is Less." Shwartz argues that while modern cultures equates unlimited choice witth personal freedom and liberation, an overabundance of options paradoxically leads to adverse affects that stall personal development.

However, guidance and control must not be confused with one another. I agree that kids should be guided through their early stages of life to avoid negative development, but excessive control yields the opposite results. In many cases.

Moreover, there are numerous instances where parents exert excessive control over their young kid's actions, which ultimately leads to ripples between the child and parent's relationship. Such individuals grow up to be more inclined towards the activities their parents restricted them from, meaning they rebound completely.

AI examiner evaluation

Task Achievement / Task Response: Band 5.5

The response addresses the prompt by discussing the two views regarding children making everyday choices and provides the writer's perspective on the importance of guidance versus excessive control. However, the length requirement of 250 words is not met, as the text contains 249 words, which incurs a penalty on Task Achievement. While the first view about children becoming self-centred is explored, the discussion on the second view is somewhat abbreviated, particularly in the fourth paragraph which ends abruptly with an incomplete sentence ('In many cases.'). Despite these limitations, the position is generally clear throughout, and the ideas are supported by relevant reasoning and an external reference, though further development would elevate the task response. Band score: 5.5.

Coherence and Cohesion: Band 6.0

The essay demonstrates an overall logical progression, moving from the introduction of the issue to the discussion of self-centredness, the paradox of choice, and finally the balance between guidance and control. Cohesive devices such as 'Furthermore', 'Additionally', 'However', and 'Moreover' are utilized to connect ideas between paragraphs. Nevertheless, paragraphing shows some weaknesses, such as the third paragraph being quite brief and containing typographical errors ('Shwartz' instead of 'Schwartz'), and the fourth paragraph ending prematurely with a sentence fragment. Referencing is mostly clear, but the logical flow is occasionally disrupted by structural issues in the final sections. Band score: 6.0.

Lexical Resource: Band 6.0

The student demonstrates an adequate and at times ambitious range of vocabulary suited to an academic task. Less common terms and phrases such as 'heavily nuanced issue', 'stunted development', 'socially inept individuals', and an attempt at quoting Barry Schwartz's 'Paradox Of Choice' show a strong effort to use sophisticated lecue. However, there are a few inaccuracies in word choice and spelling, including 'Shwartz' instead of 'Schwartz', 'witth' with a double t, 'adverse affects' instead of 'adverse effects', and 'ripples' used instead of 'rifts' or 'tension' in relationships. These occasional errors do not impede overall communication, but they prevent the essay from achieving a higher band. Band score: 6.5.

Grammatical Range and Accuracy: Band 6.0

The writing contains a mix of simple and complex sentence forms, demonstrating attempts at complex structures through relative clauses and conditional-like arguments (e.g., 'While providing choice fosters independence, I firmly believe that...'). There are, however, noticeable grammatical and punctuation errors. The opening sentence contains an ungrammatical comma placement after 'that'. Furthermore, the sentence fragment 'In many cases.' at the end of the fourth paragraph represents a significant grammatical lapse. Other sentences, such as 'young kid's actions', show minor possessive noun inconsistencies. Despite these errors, the majority of simple sentences are clear and meaning is rarely obscured. Band score: 6.0.

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