Band 4.5 IELTS Writing Task 2 Model Answer

Overall Band Score: 4.5 · Cambridge IELTS 16 · 2026-10-06

IELTS Writing Task 2 question

Many manufactured food and drink products contain high levels of sugar, which causes many health problems. Sugary products should be made more expensive to encourage people to consume less sugar.

Do you agree or disagree?

Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Student answer (Band 4.5)

In the essay we discusse about the health problem that many products contain high levels of sugar. Many product of food and drinking product take high level of sweet that which caused many health problems in the people. Sugar products are very expensive and people want to consume less sugar. If the community use high level of sugar they are included in many diseases.

On the one hand many manufactured that have high level of sugar such as most of the food and the drinking product those product have high level of sweets these products health caused many serious health problems. At the time we use high amount of sugar in every thing. In every thing i think we use high level of sugar. After the time the sugar are very expensive because the selling ratio highly increased so, the company reaised the money. High level of sugar many diseases create in human body such as the serious diseases blood pressure,sugar disease and blood cancer etc. We want to avoid to use less sugar so, we save many health problems.

On the second hand sugary products should be made more expensive to encourage people to consume the less sugar if we use less sugar products our health certain remain and make the health of people stable. Every people want to control to use high level of sugar. The less sugar products are more expensive. Every people to encourage consume less sugar.

In my opinion the products take high level of sugar that which caused many health problem should want to control to use it. Many serious disease mostly create from high level of sugar products and the less sugar products are very expensive that people encourage to consume less sugar.

AI examiner evaluation

Task Achievement / Task Response: Band 4.5

You address the topic by discussing health risks and the proposal to make sugary products more expensive, and your final paragraph indicates support for reducing sugar consumption. However, your position is not consistently clear: the opening says sugary products “are very expensive,” while later you argue they should be made more expensive. The response also gives limited development of the central question. It lists diseases and repeats that people should consume less sugar, but does not explain how higher prices would change purchasing or provide a specific example. To strengthen the response, state your agreement or disagreement clearly from the introduction and support it with a developed reason and a relevant example. The 12 words copied from the task prompt were not counted.

Coherence and Cohesion: Band 4.5

The response has separate paragraphs and uses basic signposts such as “On the one hand,” “On the second hand,” and “In my opinion,” so the reader can identify an introduction, body sections, and a conclusion. However, progression between ideas is weak, and the same points—high sugar causes disease and people should consume less—are repeated without being extended. Some links are unclear, as in “After the time the sugar are very expensive because the selling ratio highly increased,” which does not clearly connect to the argument. The contrast signposts also do not introduce genuinely distinct sides. Organise the essay around a clear position, with each paragraph developing one reason, and use references and linking phrases to show how each point follows from the previous one.

Lexical Resource: Band 4.5

You use basic topic vocabulary, including “high level of sugar,” “health problems,” “diseases,” and “consume less,” which makes the general subject recognisable. However, the range is narrow and several phrases are repeated frequently, limiting precision. Some word combinations are difficult to understand, such as “the selling ratio highly increased” and “the health of people stable”; these choices strain the reader’s effort to follow your meaning. There are also inaccurate forms and spellings, including “reaised” and “every thing.” Build a more precise set of expressions for discussing price and health, and check whether words naturally combine in English. For example, explain that higher prices may reduce demand, rather than repeating that products are expensive.

Grammatical Range and Accuracy: Band 4.5

Most sentences rely on simple patterns, and attempts to combine ideas often contain errors that make the meaning unclear. Examples include “many product of food and drinking product take high level” and “the sugar are very expensive,” where number agreement and sentence construction are faulty. In “If the community use high level of sugar they are included in many diseases,” the conditional structure and pronoun reference are not controlled. Punctuation is also inconsistent, particularly in lists and around commas. Practise accurate simple sentences first, checking subject–verb agreement, articles, plurals, and verb forms; then add a few controlled complex sentences using “because,” “if,” or “as a result.” This will make your reasoning easier to follow.

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