Band 4.5 IELTS Writing Task 2 Model Answer

Overall Band Score: 4.5 · Cambridge IELTS 16 · 2026-10-07

IELTS Writing Task 2 question

Many manufactured food and drink products contain high levels of sugar, which causes many health problems. Sugary products should be made more expensive to encourage people to consume less sugar.

Do you agree or disagree?

Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Student answer (Band 4.5)

In recent years, the issue of manufactured food and drink products contain high levels of sugar products has attracted considerable public and academic attention. While some people contend that high level of sugar products has a positive impact on product seller, other maintain that this can affect them negatively. This essay will examine both perspectives before presenting my own view.

On the one hand, critics of high level of sugar products frequently point out a number of significant drawbacks. A major reason for that is this high prices, resulting in company sell low quality product as well as. For example, recent research has shown that high sugar level product is a causes of diabetic. Furthermore, effect on financial condition. Which makes this approach less sustainable in the long run.

On the other hand, proponents of high level of sugar products emphasize a number of notable benefits. This is primary because shopkeeper sales low quality product take high margin, which in turn leads to government take the action. Consequently, aware the public. For instance, government take action and protect the public health, clearly illustrating how its a beneficial for society people can positively influence both poor and patients.

In conclusion, after analyzing both sides of high levels of sugar products the issue, it can be concluded that the issue present both challenges and opportunities. Therefore, a balanced approach is needed that acknowledge the risk while maximizing the benefits of high levels of sugar products, particularly when it is implemented in a responsible and well-regulated manner.

AI examiner evaluation

Task Achievement / Task Response: Band 3.0

The response is only partly relevant to the question: it discusses supposed effects of high-sugar products on sellers and government, rather than clearly arguing whether making sugary products more expensive would reduce consumption and improve health. The introduction promises to examine “both perspectives,” but the body does not present two clear, relevant positions, and the conclusion’s call for a “balanced approach” leaves your own degree of agreement unclear. Ideas such as diabetes and protecting public health are relevant, but their connection to higher prices and reduced consumption is not explained or supported with a clear example. The response also falls six words short of the required 250-word minimum. To improve, state your position directly and develop relevant reasons showing how price changes might affect consumers and health.

Coherence and Cohesion: Band 4.5

There is a recognisable essay shape, with an introduction, two body paragraphs signposted by “On the one hand” and “On the other hand,” and a conclusion. However, the progression between ideas is difficult to follow because the paragraphs do not build a clear argument about the proposed price increase. For example, “high prices” are linked to companies selling low-quality products, then to diabetes, without explaining the steps in that reasoning. Several fragments, including “Furthermore, effect on financial condition” and “Which makes this approach less sustainable,” interrupt the flow. The conclusion repeats the idea of “both challenges and opportunities” rather than resolving the argument. Use topic sentences that answer the question, then connect each explanation and example explicitly to your position.

Lexical Resource: Band 5.0

You attempt some topic-related vocabulary, including “manufactured food and drink products,” “diabetic,” “financial condition,” and “public health.” However, the range is limited by repeated, imprecise phrases such as “high level of sugar products,” “low quality product,” and “take the action.” Some word combinations make the intended meaning hard to identify, particularly “shopkeeper sales low quality product take high margin.” This fits a limited but minimally adequate vocabulary range: the reader can recognise the general topic, but noticeable word-choice and collocation problems sometimes cause difficulty. Choose precise terms for the issue and its effects, such as “sugar-sweetened products,” “raise prices,” and “reduce consumption.” Check that each phrase expresses the relationship you intend.

Grammatical Range and Accuracy: Band 5.0

The response attempts longer structures, including “While some people contend that…” and “which in turn leads to…,” but control is inconsistent, and many sentences contain errors that make the argument difficult to follow. Examples include “other maintain” instead of a correctly formed subject–verb combination, “this high prices,” and “a causes of diabetic.” Sentence boundaries are also problematic: “Furthermore, effect on financial condition” is a fragment, while “Which makes this approach less sustainable” is an incomplete follow-on clause. The final sentence also has agreement and article problems in “a balanced approach is needed that acknowledge.” Practise building complete sentences with clear subjects and verbs, and check agreement, articles, plurals, and punctuation. More accurate simple sentences would make your ideas clearer before you add complex structures.

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