Band 5.5 IELTS Writing Task 2 Model Answer

Overall Band Score: 5.5 · Cambridge IELTS 16 · 2026-10-16

IELTS Writing Task 2 question

Many manufactured food and drink products contain high levels of sugar, which causes many health problems. Sugary products should be made more expensive to encourage people to consume less sugar.

Do you agree or disagree?

Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Student answer (Band 5.5)

Many argue that processed foods and energy drinks' selling rate should be much higher than the current ones as it contains a large amounts of sugar which causes major health issues to tackle the higher ratios of sugar consuming. I do not agree with this statement as I believe it is not a pragmatic idea to discourage the amount of sugar being consumed by the people because it depends more on personal choices and it can result in lowering the revenues generated through it,too.

First of all, the idea of making the sugar more expensive is not a practical one. As I believe grown-ups are matured people and it is their own responsiblity to chose what is right and wrong for their health and in general, too. Governments can provide saftey, medical facilities, schools etc but they are not responsible for a person's poor fitness as it is everyone's personal choice and responsibility at the same time to eat good, stay fit and avoid health problems like sugar, diabethes and heart attacks, mainly caused due to the excess of sugar in the blood. For instance, a regular gym-goer may have overall better health and lower sugar ratio in the blood than an inactive person because of personal dietary habits and active lifestyle.

Apart from that, this idea can lower the revenue generated every year through a sugar-mill as well as it can hamper employment also. Because a surge in the prices of sugar may discouarge manufacturers and they can stop making more sugar which not only affects the wealth generated every year through that company but can hamper many employers of the institution.

In conclusion, I believe it is not a good idea to raise the prices of sugar because it is everyone's personal responsiblity to avoid sugar as well as it can lower the tax genearted from that company.

AI examiner evaluation

Task Achievement / Task Response: Band 5.5

Your position is clear: you disagree with making sugary products more expensive, and you give two reasons—personal responsibility and possible effects on business and employment. These are relevant to the question, but the response only partly develops the issue of whether higher prices could reduce sugar consumption or improve health. The first reason focuses mainly on adults’ choices, while the gym-goer example does not directly show why price increases would be ineffective. The economic argument also needs clearer support: the link between higher prices, manufacturers stopping production, and job losses is asserted rather than explained. To strengthen the response, address the proposed measure directly and develop each reason with a specific, convincing example or explanation.

Coherence and Cohesion: Band 6.5

The essay has a recognisable structure, with an introduction, two body paragraphs signalled by “First of all” and “Apart from that,” and a conclusion. The main ideas are generally easy to follow, and the two reasons are separated into distinct paragraphs. This meets the expected level of overall organisation. However, progression within paragraphs is sometimes weakened by long, crowded sentences and unclear links between claims. For example, the gym-goer comparison follows the point about personal responsibility but does not clearly support the argument against price increases. The second body paragraph also moves quickly from sugar prices to company revenue and employment. Make these relationships explicit, and use shorter sentences where needed; this would make the cohesion more natural and less dependent on formulaic transitions.

Lexical Resource: Band 5.0

You use some topic-related vocabulary, including “processed foods,” “health issues,” “personal choices,” “revenues,” and “employment,” so the reader can understand the general argument. However, the range is limited and several word choices or collocations are inaccurate or awkward, which sometimes makes the meaning less clear. Examples include “selling rate should be much higher,” “higher ratios of sugar consuming,” and “hamper many employers,” where the intended ideas are difficult to express precisely. There are also noticeable spelling errors, such as “responsiblity,” “saftey,” and “diabethes.” Build a more accurate set of phrases for discussing prices, consumption, public health, and economic effects, and check spelling carefully before submitting.

Grammatical Range and Accuracy: Band 5.5

You attempt both simple and complex sentences, including clauses beginning with “as,” “because,” and “which,” and the overall meaning is usually recoverable. However, control is inconsistent, particularly in longer sentences, and errors sometimes make the reader pause. For example, “it contains a large amounts” has a subject–verb and number mismatch, while “As I believe grown-ups are matured people” is an incomplete and awkwardly structured sentence. The opening sentence also combines several ideas without a clear grammatical structure. There are problems with articles, agreement, and sentence boundaries, as in “Because a surge in the prices…” used as a separate sentence fragment. Aim for clearer sentence patterns and check each sentence for a complete main clause and consistent agreement.

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