Band 4.5 IELTS Writing Task 2 Model Answer

Overall Band Score: 4.5 · Cambridge IELTS 16 · 2026-10-19

IELTS Writing Task 2 question

Many manufactured food and drink products contain high levels of sugar, which causes many health problems. Sugary products should be made more expensive to encourage people to consume less sugar.

Do you agree or disagree?

Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Student answer (Band 4.5)

Companies manufacturing drinks and food are having an increase amount of sugar in the products, causing many serious illness in the society. In such cases, the market price of the sweets products should be rised to encourage individuals to consume less sugar. I strongly agree, that such act of policy should be introduce for the wellness of people.

To begin with, in few country majority of the young childern are addicted to fast food and drinks. While, the adults having a busy work life will always tempt to have easy and fast. In such case, people do not pause for a moment and will grab whatever is their reach leading to many illness like diabetes at their y

AI examiner evaluation

Task Achievement / Task Response: Band 4.0

You state a clear position—“I strongly agree”—and connect higher prices with reducing sugar consumption, so the response is relevant to the question. However, the argument is only minimally developed: you mention children’s fast-food habits and adults’ busy lives, but do not explain how a price increase would change these behaviours or provide a specific example. The response also ends mid-sentence at “diabetes at their y,” leaving the reasoning and conclusion incomplete. Since the task is only partially addressed and the supporting ideas remain limited, develop both the health rationale and the likely effect of higher prices, then complete the essay. The response is also 132 words below the required minimum, which restricts how fully you can address the task.

Coherence and Cohesion: Band 4.5

There is a basic attempt to organise the response: an opening paragraph gives your position, and “To begin with” introduces a supporting point. This gives the reader some indication of the intended progression. However, the essay stops during the first body paragraph, so there is no developed sequence of arguments, further paragraphing, or conclusion. Some links are also awkward or unclear: “While” begins a fragment-like contrast, and “In such case” does not clearly show how the preceding ideas lead to the health consequence. To improve, complete each paragraph around one main point, use linking expressions only where the relationship is clear, and add a concluding paragraph that restates your position.

Lexical Resource: Band 5.0

You use some relevant topic vocabulary, including “manufacturing,” “consume,” “fast food,” and “diabetes,” which helps communicate the subject. However, the range is limited and several word choices or forms are inaccurate or unnatural, such as “an increase amount,” “sweets products,” and “many serious illness.” “Having a busy work life will always tempt” also expresses the idea imprecisely. These errors sometimes make the reader work to understand your meaning, although the main topic remains recognisable. Build a more accurate set of collocations for health and pricing, and check spelling and word forms carefully. For example, use “a higher amount,” “sweet products,” and “serious illnesses” in the relevant contexts.

Grammatical Range and Accuracy: Band 5.0

You attempt both simple statements and longer sentences, for example the opening sentence and the clause beginning “causing many serious illness.” However, the range is limited, and attempts to combine ideas are often faulty. In “I strongly agree, that such act of policy should be introduce,” the comma is unnecessary, the article is missing, and the verb form is incorrect. “While, the adults having a busy work life…” is not a complete sentence, while “people do not pause … and will grab” shifts awkwardly between verb forms. These recurring errors can make parts difficult to follow. Practise complete sentence structures, consistent verb forms, and accurate articles and agreement, then proofread punctuation.

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