Band 4.5 IELTS Writing Task 2 Model Answer

Overall Band Score: 4.5 · Cambridge IELTS 16 · 2026-10-21

IELTS Writing Task 2 question

Many manufactured food and drink products contain high levels of sugar, which causes many health problems. Sugary products should be made more expensive to encourage people to consume less sugar.

Do you agree or disagree?

Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Student answer (Band 4.5)

I agree that the manufactured food and drink products should be made more expensive to encourage people consume less sugar.Today in this era, the things that are being manufactured like food and drink products contain high levels of sugar are being used frequently by the people.All the people use these things as these are not expensive.These things that are containing high levels of sugar are harmful for all people to use as they can cause many diseases like sugar, hormonal imbalance, yellowing the teeth ,causing the teeth to fall more than the the normal rate, causing warms to produce in our teeths,causing fat and increasing the cravings of the people those are using these sugary products.The first thing in it is that they can cause fat gain in the people which is very bad for us as Hazrat muhammad PBH said he dislike the people those are fat. Fat people may have many problems like shortness of breath and they cannot walk more than a little.The sugary food and drinks also cause hormonal imbalance in people.Mostly girls have problems in thier periods cycle due to this and they feel pain while their periods and they may have acne on thier faces.Sugar is the most comman and dangerous impact due to the products that contain sugar. As the elements contain most of the sugar in it,so the people may have sugar due to high levels of sugar for a long time in their diet.The high levels of sugar cause the insulin hormone to rise for all the time and the rise of insulin also causes the fat insrease.The high intake of sugary products causes the harm to the teeth.

AI examiner evaluation

Task Achievement / Task Response: Band 4.5

You state a clear position in the opening: “I agree” that sugary products should cost more, and you give relevant health-related reasons, including weight gain, hormonal effects, diabetes risk and dental harm. However, the response mainly lists possible consequences of sugar rather than explaining how higher prices would reduce consumption. The task asks you to justify your agreement with the proposed measure, so develop that link—for example, explain how a price increase might change purchasing choices, especially among frequent consumers, and acknowledge any limitation. Several claims are asserted without support, and the religious reference does not clearly strengthen the argument. A more focused explanation of the policy and a relevant example would make the response address the task more fully. The length requirement is met; 18 words copied from the prompt were excluded from the count.

Coherence and Cohesion: Band 4.0

The response has a recognisable overall direction: it begins with your opinion and then gives reasons related to health. Some sequencing is also signalled by phrases such as “The first thing” and “also.” However, nearly all the ideas are placed in one continuous paragraph, so the reader has difficulty seeing the main points and how they relate. The discussion moves from weight gain to a religious quotation, menstrual problems, insulin and teeth without clear transitions or a concluding summary. Repeated references to “these things” and “sugar” do not always make the connections between claims clear. Organise the essay into an introduction, separate body paragraphs and a conclusion, with each paragraph developing one reason and linking it explicitly to the price proposal.

Lexical Resource: Band 5.0

You use enough topic vocabulary to communicate the general subject, including “high levels of sugar,” “hormonal imbalance,” “insulin hormone” and “cravings.” This shows some ability to discuss health effects, but the range is limited and several expressions are inaccurate or unnatural, which can make the reader pause. For instance, “have sugar” is unclear where you mean develop diabetes, and “fat increase” is not a natural collocation. There are also spelling and word-form errors such as “comman,” “insrease,” “thier” and “teeths.” Aim for precise health-related terms and check spelling; avoid repeating broad phrases such as “these things” when a specific noun would be clearer.

Grammatical Range and Accuracy: Band 4.5

You attempt some longer sentences using clauses and reasons, for example, “as they can cause many diseases,” but control is inconsistent and the range of sentence patterns remains limited. Errors occur frequently in basic structures and punctuation, sometimes making relationships between ideas difficult to follow. The opening needs “encourage people to consume,” while “products contain high levels of sugar are being used” lacks a clear grammatical connection between the clauses. There are also problems with articles, agreement and sentence boundaries, as in “the rise of insulin also causes the fat insrease,” and the response runs several sentences together without spaces after full stops. Practise building accurate simple sentences first, then combine them with controlled subordinate clauses and use full stops to separate complete ideas.

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